#he can’t speak but he’s very empathetic and can read moods pretty well

[xmooncanary]

Adopted a little Gingerbread Flareon from my friend @bunbunearys and doodled him and Canary together immediately on the back of an envelope at work!!! His name is Toast, short for Toasted Marshmallow and I love him <3

[miyanom]

A-Z FLUFF ALPHABET (j.kirstein)

A CTIVITIES - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Jean loves spending time with you, no matter what you two happen to be doing. Though his favourite thing to do with you is just watch a movie and relax, especially because he loves resting his head in your lap while you run your fingers through his hair.

B EAUTY - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Jean, being the person he is, would say everything.

He loves your laugh, your smile, the way you look at him when he says a stupid joke that no one else enjoyed.

C OMFORT - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

If you’re feeling down, he’ll buy/cook your favourite food and just stay by your side till your ready to talk. And if you just want time alone, he’ll give that to you but will always make sure you know he’s there when you’re ready.

D REAMS - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

He’s been dreaming about a future with you from really early on. Similar to the dream he has in canon, he sees you both moving in together one day and maybe starting a family together.

He wants kids, but it wouldn’t be a deal breaker honestly. He loves you so much, and if you don’t want kids, he’s fine with settling for a dog or cat.

E QUAL - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Things would be super equal for the two of you. If there’s something concerning the both of you, he would never make a decision without trying to get your opinion on it first.

He values communication in the relationship, so you both come to decisions together unless it’s an on the spot thing.

F IGHT - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

While Jean hates fighting with you, he’s also pretty stubborn, and it makes the fight worse than how it originally started out.

Due to how much he hates fighting with you, Jean separates himself from the argument, either going to a different room or leaving the apartment altogether to give you both the time to cool down.

G RATITUDE - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He’s very grateful! He loves doing things for you, but when you do things for him? He’ll hug you and tell you how much he loves you, even if the thing you did was something super small.

H ONESTY - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Jean tends to share everything with you. In general, he’s just a very honest person.

I NSPIRATION - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Before meeting you, Jean was constantly in a crappy mood, usually taking it on Eren more than anybody. He was also quite a flirt, not a serious player but like annoyingly flirty.

After meeting you, he calmed down a little. He swears it wasn’t because of you or anything, but his friends say otherwise.

J EALOUSY - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

I wouldn’t say it’s often, but when people neither of you know start getting a little too close, he does get jealous.

He’d probably try keeping it to himself, but communication is a big thing in your relationship so he does let you know. At least after he intimidates the person by wrapping his arms around you and kissing you in front of them.

K ISS - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Jean is a great kisser, at least he is when you both get past the shyness and awkwardness of the first stage in the relationship.

Despite how much of a flirt he was before meeting you, you were probably his first kiss. So you can guarantee he was a stuttering, blushing mess when you pulled away after the first kiss.

L OVE CONFESSION - How would they confess to their s/o?

I talked about this in another post!!

M ARRIAGE - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Jean definitely wants to marry you, and he would know that from pretty early on in the relationship. Waking up by your side after you stay the night just isn’t the same, he wants to wake up and call you his wife/husband/partner.

He would want to plan the most cliche date, a fancy dinner, maybe a movie, before going someplace important to the both of you where he would pop the question. However, he just can’t wait. He’ll probably wake up beside you on one of those mornings, and just ask you out of nowhere.

N ICKNAMES - What do they call their s/o?

Of course he calls you the common ones like babe/baby, mostly in a joking manner. When he’s seriously being all lovey-dovey, it’s nicknames like sweetheart, princess/prince, angel.

O N CLOUD NINE - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Jean, when in love, is so obvious about his feelings. He’s always blushing around you, he has a hard time speaking to you clearly, and he stares at you in such a loving manner.

He expresses his feelings through actions, as he’s a believer that actions speak louder than words! However, that doesn’t stop him from also reassuring you with words too, as he understands that some people need to actually hear it.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

At the start he’s fairly shy, not doing much when others are around. But when you two grow comfortable with each other, and he knows whether or not you also enjoy pda, there is no stopping him from straight up kissing you in front of other people.

He’s also the type to always be holding your hand when you’re out and about. He’s such a touchy boyfriend, always wanting to be touching part of you in some way.

Q UIRK - Some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship.

This dude can cook. Having spent a lot of time with his mother growing up, he picked up on a few things from her.

A lot of your dates are just staying home, enjoying meals that Jean makes for the two of you.

R OMANCE - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Jean is a huge romantic. But he’s constantly torn between cliche dates and creative ones. You go from dates where you draw each other at the park, to fancy dinner dates and a movie.

S UPPORT - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Jean calls himself your no.1 supporter for a reason! Whether it’s staying up till 2am to help you study, or running errands for you in his free time so you don’t have to worry about anything other than your goal. He’s there for you every step of the way!

T HRILL - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

I personally feel like when you fall into comfortable routine, Jean loves it the most. But if you want to spice things up, it’s not like he’ll stop you.

U NDERSTANDING - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Jean knows you pretty well, he’s good at reading people. When you’re getting to know each other, he takes notes in his head about things you like and dislike, and probably never forgot them.

If you’re in a bad mood, he can tell just from a simple text, and you can bet he’s already on his way to pick up your favourite sweet food.

V ALUE - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Like I said earlier, Jean is absolutely in love with you. So the relationship means a lot to him, especially since you both were friends before anything began to take a romantic turn.

If Jean listed the people in his life, it would be his family at the very top of the list, followed by his friends: lucky for you, he counts you as his family.

W ILD CARD - A random fluff headcanon.

Jean rides a motorcycle. He has a car too, sure, but whenever he picks you up he takes the motorcycle. He knows it’s dangerous in comparison to a car, but he likes the security that comes with having your arms around him when riding.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Jean is very very affectionate. If you’re together at either of your apartments, there’s no way you’re not cuddling. He’ll be complaining about having to let you go even if you only need him to so you can go to the bathroom.

Y EARNING - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Jean hates it when you’re not around, whether you’re super busy or you’ve just gone away for a little, he hates it.

He likes being around you even if it’s in utter silence, so you two often FaceTime while just going about your daily night time routines. He probably watches you for a minute or two if you fall asleep on call, and he doesn’t hang up until the next morning.

Z EAL - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

I think Jean would go to great lengths for the relationship in terms that he would branch out of his comfort zone just to understand you a little better.

If a bad fight broke out between the two of you, and he realises that he’s being just a little too stubborn, he would let go his pride and be the first to apologise in fear of losing you. It says a lot, because he’s not usually like that. Typically he lets things cool down a little before trying to apologise.

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[sword-brainrot]

ya got any headcanons for dating nikkou, nankaitarou, and ookurikara pls? seperate. thank you so much for everyhting!

Nikkou Ichimonji,  Nankaitarou Chouson, and Ookurikara Relationship Headcanons (GN Reader)

♡ Nikkou is business and logic first over everything else. He has a hard to understanding emotion and tries empathetic but it seems like he doesn't truly understand. He is a sword to be used in battle and to listen to orders from aruji and Sanchoumou. Emotions are very disconnected from him as a person. Especially romantic emotions.

♡ Nikkou will instantly tense up when he is put in a situation where emotions are high. If you are heart broken about something, he will try to solve it with logic and not truly understand that the situation doesn't need to be solve and that you are hurting emotionally. He tries to understand and will listen to you vent but that is all he really can do for you. He may put a hand on your shoulder in his attempt to comfort you but that is as much as does.

♡ This may seem like he is a robotic person but he really isn't. He just doesn't /understand/. He wants to understand though! He is a protective and loving person all things considered. He has people (Norimune, Sanchoumou, Nansen, Hasebe, Nihongou, Atsushi, Sayo, Hakata, and you) who he knows are special to him and wants nothing more to protect them. It is something he knows for a fact but understanding the complicated emotions connected to all of them is what he doesn't completely understand.

♡ Through the struggle of understanding emotions and breaking down the wall to let himself learn and feel, he is caring and thoughtful person. He may not know what to say or what to do but he cares and will try to listen. If you say you aren't feeling well because mentally you aren't doing well, he will come back later with some stomach meds and tea for you. He tries to help.

♡ It will take a while but eventually he will start to open up and try to do more romantic gestures to show you he wants to open his heart to you. Though you may think he is just trying to be caring and not actually flirt with you. You will know when one night he walks you back to your room and says goodnight with a soft forehead kiss.

♡ He will tense up at any affection you give him because like stated before, he doesn't completely understand and never received such affection in his life. As he slowly gets used to it, you will feel him melt in your grasp and follow your movements. He is not one for words when it comes to expressing his love. Rather he will show you he cares through actions or slight physical affection (holding your hand, soft kisses on the forehead/cheek).

♡ Not a fan of pda (other than hand holding) but surprisingly likes snuggling in your room.

♡ Nikkou is the big spoon, he will not give it up. He feels like that is the most protective position and makes him feel like he is one of your wings to protect you and lift you up.

♡ Nikkou has a special way in showing he wants attention. He will hold your hand underneath the table and rub his thumb over your knuckles. It is his way to say that he is feeling a little needy for affection and willing to try things that he would normally be uncomfortable doing.

♡ Nikkou is also like a mother hen at times. He wants to show he cares but doesn't know exactly how. So expect him nagging you; "Have you eaten?", "How much have you slept?", "Are you well enough to work?", "Have you drank plenty of water?", etc. He worries and cares about you in his own way. Just remember that if you ever get a little annoyed by his constant questions.

♡ Speaking of that, if he ever does something you do not like; Tell him right away. He might not pick up that he is going overboard and needs you to tell him. He won't be angry but will stop. He understands that sometimes he goes too far. Also if you are ever hurt emotionally, you have to explain how you are feeling inside or else he will not get it and be wary around you because he doesn't know how to help or if he would hurt you if he said/did the wrong thing. He truly cares for you but it's still hard for him to completely understand feelings and how emotions can really impact someone.

♡ Unlike the other two, Chouson is pretty expressive. So when I say you are Chouson's favorite person, you know. He always runs to you when he finishes a new invention, medicine, or just to geek out about something new he has learned. It doesn't matter what time it is, he runs to you first. Sometimes... to your displeasure. He gets so excited that he can't even see that it is 3am in the morning and he just woke you up from your deep slumber.

♡ Although Chouson is pretty friendly with all the other swords, you never see him hanging out with them. He is more focused in his own work rather than making friends with everyone. Which also means that he doesn't pick up social cues as well as some others. If he ever wanted to talk about anything, he would go to you.

♡ There hasn't been many in his life that showed any interest in his inventions or ideas. When you express interest and ask him to tell you more, he knew you would special and instantly started to grow attached to you. Prepare for him to talk your ear off, there is so much he wants to talk about and all the ideas he ever had. He has a book filled with many hypothesis and invention ideas. You will be hearing 1/3 by the time he lets you go so you can sleep.

♡ Every morning he is excited to see you because he knows that you truly care about him and what he thinks. It is a new feeling and he gets addicted by the first time you ever said "tell me more."

♡ Chouson does a lot of research on humans to understand them better because he wants to understand you better! He less cares about becoming more human himself. You are his main focus in that research. As soon as he learns about dating and what it means, he goes to you right away to ask you out. At this point, he isn't actually sure if he has romantic feelings for you but he knows you are special to him and wants to keep you close. As well as trying to be a loving boyfriend!

♡ He tries really hard to be a good boyfriend but he is clueless. Don't be shy to give him tips! You will have to guide him a little. Also expect him to read very cheesy romantic novels to understand dating more... Expect very cheesy pickup lines too. ...He is trying.

♡ Over the course of dating, he does develop romantic feelings for you! He probably had them from the start but couldn't recognize his own emotions since he relies so hard on logic rather than emotion. He knows he wouldn't want to do any of this dating stuff with anyone other than you.

♡ If something bothers him or he gets too excited, he will start pacing around the room talking at a speed that you almost can't understand. Lots of rambling too as he gets onto many topics. Drag him over to sit down and he will slowly calm down. His eyes just staring at you with adoration.

♡ His mood changes a lot but being around you helps him keep it in a happy state.

♡ Chouson adores tenderness. He will often overwork himself because he will be so invested in what he is doing. His muscles will be all tense and there will be dark bags under his eyes when he finally adventures into bed. Be sure to give him a small massage and kiss his face. He will surely have a large smile on his face as he gets comfortable and embrace you for the night.

♡ When he is focused, it is hard to get his attention and talk to him. So show it in silent ways how you love him. Get him food, and clothes he can change into. Sometimes it is okay to be a little pushy with him as well when he is pushing himself too far and not getting enough sleep. He may be a little grumpy with you at first but he will understand by the time his head hits the pillow and he falls asleep in an instant.

♡ Ookurikara is not the type of person who looks for relationships. He has an intense fear of getting close to someone and then losing them. It is why he constantly pushes people away and stays by himself. Can't get hurt if no one is close to you.

♡ When he began to develop a crush on you, he was even more distant than before (you didn't even know it was possible). He would cancel any plans that involved you, walked away the moment you sat down next to him, refuse to look you in the eye, and if someone asked him to give you something, he would pass it over to Mitsutada or Sadamune.

♡ It was your kindness and persistence that made him fall for you. You always went out of your way to help the sword that many would shy away from due to his resistance to all of them. You always offered an ear to listen to any concerns he may have, even if he never made face of any problems that may be bugging him under his skin.

♡ He kept pushing you away and tried to cause so much distance that you would hate him or just forget about him. However you stayed... And inside, he was melting.

♡ There has been many times where he would envision holding you and showing you affection only for it to be followed by him holding your wounded body on the battle field. Ookurikara is a sword of war... He knows far too well how fragile life can be.

♡ Most likely, you will have to confess to him first and ask him out. There is no way that Ookurikara will be honest about his feelings unless you make the first move. Even then, he will reply very shortly with "If that is what you want".

♡ Huge fear of abandonment. He will never vocally say it but you will need to reassure him that you would never leave him and that you are safe. Nightmares are a common thing with him after he grows attached to you. He knows what it feels to hold someone close to his heart... And it's terrifying that it can be ripped away so easily.

♡ When he is in a good mood, expect him to have his fingers linger on you. Brushing some hair out of your hair? it stays a little longer than needed. His golden eyes staring down at yours. His hand brushing against yours as you two walk side by side. Behind close doors, he may even pretend he fell asleep just so he could rest his head on your shoulder and feel you right there next to him.

♡ He will get frustrated and upset when you tease him or don't give him what he wants but when it comes to teasing you? Surprising... Rather good at it. He will lean in close to your face but quickly pull away and have a book in his hand, pretending like that was what he was reaching for the whole time. Ookurikara will make you say that you want to kiss him or hold his hand before he would even attempt it. If you tease him, he will make you suffer for it.

♡ Ookurikara.. LOVES sweets. He doesn't look like it but candy and pastries are his favorite. Kashuu and Mitsutada are the only two know of this face. Let's just say, Ookurikara comes back very grumpy when Kashuu teases him over not giving him sweets. Because he can't vocally say he wants them. He has an image to uphold! Please be sure to give him sweets and he will be so happy. May not smile but if he does, it will be small and short.

♡ "You bought too much. Eat them with me or else they will go bad."

♡ Favorite cuddling position is being the big spoon and holding you tight throughout the night. You can't get stolen away if he makes sure you are safe within his arms. It is also the position that nightmares don't happen in so it works out!

♡ When he has nightmares, he will suddenly jolt up in cold sweat. His chest rising and falling with heavy breaths, as if he just got done running for hours. His eyes will be lost in the dark shadows of the room. It's best to gentle hold him in those moments. Don't be scared if he suddenly flinches when you first touch him. He is still lost in his own thoughts at that time. As soon as Ookurikara looks over and sees you, well and untouched. He calms down. His head will slowly hang over and rest on your shoulder. No words spoken. Gently caress his hair and give him soothing words.

♡ "Don't you dare get hurt and go somewhere I can't follow."

[rivetwrites]

Kokichi for the fluff alphabet?

//my boy!!

--------------------------------------------

Kokichi Oma Fluff Alphabet

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Kokichi is very energetic and chaotic, so he needs to be doing something active as to not get bored. Playing video games is a great way to keep him occupied! Especially if you both play a competitive game like Overwatch, or Mario Kart!

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

The way you’ve never took his shit, or his lies. He admired that you always told him off for lying, or for teasing Gonta or Kiibo. He couldn’t help to fall a bit more each time. Sure, it makes him do it a bit more, but he just can’t help himself when you look so cute while you’re frustrated.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Jokes. Though sometimes they can hurt, which then that’s when he starts getting a bit serious. He’s not the best at comforting people, as he’s never really had anyone to comfort besides his DICE members. He would give you a bunch of sweets, and even his sacred Panta!! Once you start feeling better, he’ll slowly turn back to himself and make more lighthearted jokes to you.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Kokichi dreams about you officially becoming his second in command in DICE with him. His members love you, he loves you, so it’s perfect! Though, if you’re not that kind of person, he’ll understand and leave it alone. He hates forcing you to do things when you don’t want to do them.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

You’re probably going to be the dominate one in the relationship. This man has a diet of a seven year old, and the maturity of one as well. He needs a little help trying to get his life together as an adult, so he would be grateful for your help. Even if he purposely doesn’t do what you ask, just so you can pay more attention to him.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Kokichi is a shithead, through and through. Most likely, he’d be the one upsetting you. The best way to get back at him is the silent treatment. He despises the silent treatment, since he thrives off of attention, both negative and positive. He can’t even last a whole day, apologizing to you with those rare tears in his big eyes. 

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He’s extremely grateful for you. You keep him grounded, you keep him in check, and you keep him from committing arson the first chance he gets. He’s extremely aware of everything around him, so you taking care of him will make his little liar heart grow a bit more. He repays you by leaving small candies in your pockets while you’re not looking. They’re his favourites!! So you know you mean a lot to him.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

This is Kokichi we’re talking about. He’s a liar, no matter who you are. The best way to get him to tell him the truth, is when he’s extremely tired. But once you truly get to know him, his actions and expressions always contradict his lies. You would always be able to tell when he’s upset. If you call him out over and over again about it, his wall will break and he’d tell you the truth. Another reason why he loves you.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Kokichi is always going to be Kokichi, though he would get slightly softer to people. He’s still a liar, of course, but his teasing and jokes will become more lighthearted when you’re around. Dating Kokichi is the closest thing to....babysitting. He’s taught you a lot of patience, since you’d need so much to deal with him.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He’d lie about this to his grave, but again, his expressions and actions say otherwise. His grip will tighten on your hand, his expression darkening at the person you’re talking to. God forbid the person lay a hand on you, they would be the main target for his pranks for weeks. Once you’re alone, you’d have to comfort him and tell him that he’s the one for you, and not anyone else will change that. His attitude will pop back to normal in no time.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Kissing isn’t something he took for account when he went into a relationship with you. Though he would have a big grin when he’s ready to do so. You’re probably going to be his first kiss. He’d climb you like a tree, wrapping his arms around your shoulders as his feet dangle from the ground. He’s pepper your cheeks and lips with small kisses as he giggles. His face would be slightly red, clinging to you for the rest of the night.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

He would be the one to confess, but try to convince you that it was a lie. You know better, of course. He’d start to panic slightly, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he tries to convince you more. Once you accept him, his mood will return back to carefree. “Of course! I knew you liked me! Who wouldn’t like a Supreme Leader?” He didn’t know, so he’s extremely relieved.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Kokichi never really had a set decision on marriage. He wouldn’t care if you two didn’t get married, but he also didn’t care if you both did. Ultimately, it’ll all be up to you, so you would be the one to propose to him. He’d be extremely smug about it, “I mean, I am pretty cool, right? I would marry myself too!!” That’s his way of saying yes.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

The dumbest nicknames. “Second in command,” “little sausage,” “mom/dad/parent.” Though, it he’s feeling a bit more affectionate, “love,” would be his go-to.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

He’s a very physical person, so he would climb into your lap as you’re reading, doing homework, or simply watching TV, and wrap his arms around your waist. He wouldn’t speak much, nuzzling his face into your chest as he absorbs your warmth and love.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Again, Kokichi is a very physical person, so he’d be constantly holding your hand, calling you his love. Gloats all the time about you. He’s not shy in the slightest, even less by you, so he would tell all his friends, especially Kaito on how amazing you are and how no one can get someone as great as you. Which is not a lie!

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

He brings fun into your life. He brings a slight sunshine as he acts like himself. He loves you very much, and just his presence makes the room light up a bit more. Even if he’s teasing someone, he’d always look over at you with a genuine smile.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He’s not romantic in the slightest. Your dates are dumb and...oddly very fun. Video game nights with take out, snuggling while watching some dumb, low budget horror movie. Kokichi prefers to spend time with you rather than going somewhere extravagant. Though, he would love to go to a carnival with you. He loves playing the games, going on rides (sometimes he’s too short to go on it, so he gets pouty), and get junk food!

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

He’d tease you about your goals, but he makes note on them. He and his DICE members will help you achieve anything you want, no matter how impossible they may seem. Kokichi doesn’t have any big life goals, but he adores yours. You look so happy when you do reach them, so he thrives for your smile every time.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Kokichi never ever has a plan for anything, everything is spontaneous and exciting. Your relationship is never boring with him, whether its running away with you in tow from an angry person he just pranked, or just having a lazy day in, its never an in-between. 

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He has a hard time expressing himself, but he knows you by the back of his hand. You don’t even have to be looking at him for him to know you’re sad. Just by the slight slouched posture, he knows he has to go get your favourite sweets to comfort you.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

You and his DICE members are his family, so you guys are very important to him. Sure, he seems selfish, but on the inside, he’d give himself up in a heartbeat for his family.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He likes to sneak things he thinks you may like into your pockets. He could find a little shiny coin, and slip it into your shirt while you’re not looking. You have a small collection of small, shiny things that Kokichi has found on your dresser.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

He prefers to show affection alone with you, since he gets a bit blushy from your touches. He’s very slim and small, so just scoop him up into your arms and carry him to bed and he’ll be yours. He prefers small, butterfly kisses rather than proper, long kisses. He wants to show his love to every inch of you.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Kokichi gets very, very pouty when you’re gone, amping up his pranks and jokes to his friends. Since you’re not with him, he has to make up for the lost pranks. Once you return, he’s clinging onto your leg as he cries crocodile tears as he begs you not to leave again. 

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Kokichi will give and much as you give. He believes in equality, so if you go great lengths, so will he. 

[katsukari]

So I made another request but a read one of aizawa, Toshinori and Hizashi reacting and dealing with an s/o with adhd. I was wondering if you would like to do one where Taishiro, Kugo, and hawks reacting and dealing with an s/o with adhd? You don’t have to do it if this is a hard topic as it’s pretty hard to understand if you don’t have it or know someone who has it that you’re close with.

Hello again! I can certainly try my best. Two of my sisters have struggled with attention disorders so I know a little bit, but I don’t claim to be an expert. I’m gonna do some reading on this to make sure I get this as accurate as possible. I’m gonna apologize because these are a little short, and please let me know if something isn’t quite right, I would love to know! 

How would Taishiro, Kugo and Hawks react to having a s/o with adhd?

FatGum/Taishiro Toyomitsu

He would be very understanding and empathetic.

Would gladly help you find your keys for the umpteenth time, because they never quite make it to the small basket on the counter.

That happens a lot. Things wind up making it halfway to where they’re supposed to be, strewn out across the apartment. The dishes go half finished because you just couldn’t get through them. That is, until you get the urge to clean it all. He tries to make sure you never do it all by yourself though.

When you get stressed and everything seems like too much he’s your rock. He’ll bring you in close and remind you that eventually everything will be fine. You will be fine. You will recover. 

Sensory overload happens a lot for you, bright lights and loud sounds are your enemies, so when it happens at home you hide away in the dark of your bedroom. Toyomitsu will give you space, but will often sneak into the room to leave a glass of water for you on the nightstand. 

Have you ever seen an 8′2ft tall man sneak?

He notices that you’re always moving. It doesn’t matter even if you’re in bed, your legs are moving back and forth. 

You play with your hands a lot, and when you hold hands you rub your thumb across the back of his hand. He loves it when you do that, but knows its probably because you’re anxious or are having a hard time focusing, so he’ll give your hand a light squeeze and check in with you to make sure you’re okay.

Overall he just does his best to make sure you take care of yourself.

Gang Orca/Kugo Sakamata

He’s a hard one to place. I think he would be one hold you accountable. Not in a harsh way, but in a sense that he wants you to feel better, and he knows that you sometimes are hard on yourself for struggling. 

So, when you have a deadline coming up and you haven’t even begun on your work, you can bet he will be right there reminding you. He won’t do the work for you, but he will sit with you when you need him. 

He will definitely encourage you to make a schedule, keep a routine. When you tell him they don’t exactly work for you he offers to keep one with you, to do what he can with you. 

When you struggle doing tasks at home he won’t mind giving you a hand, helping you to finish whatever it was that you were doing.(not that you don’t share housework) 

If you have medication he’s on you like clockwork to take it every morning. Knows that sometimes it can make you feel unwell, so will make sure to give you a glass of water and a hug, running his hands over your hair.

Will always listen to you when you speak about your hyper-fixations. Is amazed by the amount of knowledge you hold about certain subjects, but he worries about you when you lose yourself for days.

Puzzles are a big one for you, you will spend days doing puzzles, and he always makes sure that you eat and take breaks, even though its hard for you.

He wants you to feel supported. Encouraged. He tries his best.

Hawks/ Keigo Takami

I’ve seen a few people suggest that he has adhd as well, which could be true. To him I don’t think it’s going to really be a big deal, so long as you stay healthy, you know what I mean?

The thing that gets him is when your mood rapidly changes. You’ll get done laughing, and then a moment later, for reasons he doesn’t yet know you’ll be sad, or guilty or a variety of other emotions. 

He hates it when you feel guilty about things like procrastination, when the apartment is a mess, or when you’ve just calmed down from being upset. He’ll wrap you in his arms, his wings curling in around you, and remind you “You’re human just like the rest of us babe. It’ll be okay.”

He probably has trouble focusing at home too, so watching movies with the two of you is really just the both of you talking or scrolling on your phones. He doesn’t mind, he finds you much more interesting anyway.

You two literally never finish anything. Books, movies, tv shows. You finish food. But that’s about it.

He’s a touchy person, he loves to have his hands on you, so when you get overloaded and can’t stand to be touched he gets a little sad. Especially at the beginning of the relationship and it had never come up before, he took it a little personal, and thought you didn’t like him touching you.

Once you explained it though he understood. Now when it hits you he just gives you the space you need. He could wait, your health came first. 

Will support you through anything, and though he may not always be the best for stopping your impulsive decisions (like dying your hair blue at 3 am), he really does want you to be the happiest and healthiest version of yourself.

[criminalminds4days]

Family Matters | Chapter 5: Emily's Intervention

Hello people of tumblr!!

I hope all of you had an excellent New Year's! I got so trashed that it lasted until yesterday 🤣 I guess that makes sense considering how horrible 2020 was.

Anyway, I hope all of you had a great time and that 2021 becomes a good year for you all. Because I will be spending a lot of time with family until the 11th of this month, I have decided that I will take January to write as many chapters as possible and I will return to posting in February!

Also, I have posted the story on Wattpad, and I will be updating simultaneously.

With all that said, I hope you all enjoy chapter 5 of Family Matters 🎉🎉

Warnings: Swearing, sexual references, violence and murder references, public embarrassment, and very bad jokes!

Word Count: 3.2k

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Tag list: @mcntsee @lets-be-gay-for-the-angel @evelyncade @haylaansmi @paulaern @myfandomlife-blog

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(This gif is not mine)

Chapter 5: Emily’s Intervention

The importance of the following couple of days is the only reason our story will address them. Understanding the events that occurred is vital for the upcoming chapters that our favorite agents will face.

The following questions needed an answer:

What did Emily and Spencer talk about?

Why was Spencer so upset?

And perhaps, the most important, why was Emily at Spencer's apartment with Hunger Games Pajamas?

Well, let us do a quick rewind before we move on to the consequences of the visit of Tyler Hemingway and the answers to the questions above.

Emily opened the door to his room, a very surprised Derek and Spencer observed her. She didn't say a word until she was right in front of the two men, taking a few seconds to observe their reactions, making sure it was known she didn't come in a friendly mood.

"You, out." She said to the dark-skinned man, with no emotion, and a serious face as she pointed to the door.

"Excuse me? Emily this is my room, I don't know what-"

"I said, get out." Her tone was deadly, "now." She didn't raise her voice, but the message was clear.

"I am leaving, but it is definitely not because I am scared of you, it's simply because I have an appointment with a cup of coffee." He stood and walked towards the door, careful to avoid any close contact with her.

"Yeah, let's go." The brunette said, standing up and walking towards the door, only to be stopped by the woman.

"You, sit."

"I am sitting." He returned to the edge of his bed, "and it is definitely because you terrify me."

"Derek, if I find out you're spying on this conversation..."

"It's not like I want to know." He said quickly looking at the doctor one last time, with pity clear in his eyes and he rushed out the door making sure to close it behind him.

The man left in the room gulped before speaking again. "Am I going to die?"

"Not if you listen to me." She sat at the edge of Morgan's bed and her demeanor changed. She seemed more relaxed and even excited. That shift alone had the man planning for ways to run out the door without falling victim to Emily Prentiss. "Now, Spencie-"

"Please don't call me that."

"Fine, Baby genius." She smiled at him, in a slightly more terrifying manner than her demeanor when she arrived. "We need to talk about the situation that occurred during our drive to the hospital."

"What is there to talk about?"

"Can you explain to me, honey, why you are upset with our friend?"

"Please don't call me honey, it's somehow worse than Spencie."

"Answer. My. Question."

"I already told you guys, I'm upset that she's letting this guy walk all over her."

"See, I can't believe that, because you stated that part of the reason for your anger was that you still came after this Tyler character, so please tell me, what's that about?"

"She left me behind, remember? She didn't pick me up." He said as he played with his hands. Jumping out the window wasn't sounding so bad, even if they were on the third floor. If he calculated correctly, he could probably survive it.

"And that's all?" He nodded, and she sighed, clearly frustrated. "Let me try a different approach."

"I'm scared." He mumbled.

"Spencer Reid," she began, that smile still on her lips. "Is there anything you don't like about her?"

"Yeah, I mean, for once, she sleeps on the right side of the bed, which is my side, so when I had to sleep in the same bed as her I had to sleep on the left side! The left side Emily!"

"Did she ask you for that?"

"No, of course not. I just kind of did it."

"Okay, what else don't you like?"

"That she's so naive, she believes people always have good intentions, and she's always getting hurt because she doesn't understand that not everyone comes from an honest and good place. I mean she's a profiler and yet she falls for the same tricks over and over again. But that also means she's really empathetic, and nice which I guess is not a down falling but a virtue, so I guess I can't really say I don't like that of her."

"Interesting." Emily's smile turned more genuine. "Now, what are some of the things you like about her."

"I mean, she's a great friend, a reliable agent, and she's so funny. She has similar interests to me, and whenever we hang out there is nothing we can't talk about." A smile appeared on his face as the memories of their time together became clear in his mind. "She has this bright energy around her, and it simply pulls you towards her, I also love her clumsiness, it makes her, well her. I love when she laughs, and I love being around her, and there are these times where she'll rest her head on my shoulders or she'll accidentally brush her hand on mine and I get this feeling, that I have never-" He stopped, looking straight at Emily as he reached the same conclusion as her. "Oh."

"Yeah."

"I like her. Like really like her, don't I?"

"Yes, you do." Emily hugged him, "I am so glad you finally came to terms with it." She let go of him and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Now, what are you gonna do about it?"

"Nothing."

"WHAT?"

"I mean, she obviously doesn't feel the same, and even if she did, you know the rules. I wouldn't want to make her transfer, nor do I want to transfer."

"Spencer, you are seriously going to let the love of your life walk away simply because of your job?"

"I never said she was the love of my life." Emily rolled her eyes, "besides, we're really good friends, and I don't want to ruin that."

"Ugh, you are so dumb for a genius." He wanted to object, but she continued. "This is what we are going to do, you can take the rest of the week, to think about her, and if you two are worth the trouble. Once this case is over, I will go to your apartment and we will discuss the next steps over some glasses of wine. Those are more for me than for you because I'm gonna need a lot of patience." He furrowed his eyebrows but she didn't even register it. "Now, because of your little scene from earlier, you have some space, so use this to your advantage. Make me proud son."

"No, no. Please never call me son again. That was very disturbing."

"Well, then do the right thing." She walked out of the room, and he sat there, wishing Emily had never made him realize how he felt.

Now, ignoring her was torture, because all he could think of was her lips on his, or their hands intertwined, her laughing at something he said as they ate dinner, or watching a movie as they cuddled on her sofa. This was bad, it was a bad thing that was happening right now.

She was his friend, and even then, he still thought she had feelings for her ex-boyfriend. It was a disaster.

"So, what's your conclusion?"

That was the first thing Emily said when he opened the door. She was wearing black pajamas with the Mockingjay symbol from The Hunger Games, her hair was in a ponytail and she had a big reusable grocery bag on her shoulder that seemed full of something he couldn't quite make out, at least until he heard the glass clink and reached a pretty solid conclusion of what was in the bag.

"I need new friends."

She seemed unfazed by his comment and simply moved past him towards his living room. "No, no, please come in. I insist." He mumbled as he closed the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I told you, we need to make a game plan, but we need to hurry, we don't have much time before she arrives."

"Did you invite her?"

"No, but she's on her dinner with Tyler, and if he's as horrible as I think he is, she'll be here in about an hour or so, after realizing he just wanted to have sex with her."

She pulled a wine bottle out of her bag and roomed through his drawers to grab a wine glass and opened the bottle. "I would offer you, but I need you sober tonight."

"That just sounds so wrong."

"Don't worry about it, Doctor. Now, have you thought about your options?"

"I already told you Emily, our friendship and our jobs are not worth risking for some feelings that will most likely fade away."

"Why are smart people so dumb?" She asked no one in particular.

"First of all, that's offensive. Second, we don't know if she feels the same way, and third of all, in the extreme and highly unlikely case in which she did, the probability of us working out would be almost null."

"Spencer, I love you. I really do, but you need to learn how to read social cues. I am almost one-hundred percent sure she likes you, you've both liked each other for longer than you think, and I get it, your jobs are important, but when you decide to leave, what's gonna be waiting for you?"

He remained silent for a couple of minutes taking in her words. She stared at him, as she sipped more and more wine.

"I don't do, relationships really well. What if I lose her and then it all becomes worse?"

"What if you lose her because you're scared to 'do' relationships?"

"I hate it when you're right."

"Now, let's see, how should you tell her? We should make it a grand gesture, but we need to keep it between us." She opened the second bottle as she spoke. "Oh, I'm gonna have to be a third wheel for a really long time, but I guess I can deal with that." She kept drinking. "I am totally gonna officiate the wedding. Also, I think you need to do it soon, maybe when she comes to tell you you were right?"

"Emily, let's calm down for a minute."

"Can we watch Dance Moms?"

"No, I don't even know what that is, but it sounds awful."

"It's so good. The kids are so talented." She sighed, as if somehow proud of said kids. "Anyway, going back to your love life." She began once again and he simply tried to not scream.

A drunk Prentiss continued to increase the level of alcohol in her system while simultaneously rambling about the beautiful life they would have together. He hadn't said a word in what seemed to be an hour, but that didn't stop her, she kept speaking of possible destination weddings and how she needed to be the godparent of one of their kids, even if JJ and she had to share because she knew that JJ was Spencer's best friend before any of them had even joined. She also expressed that she had shipped the two of them, but decided against it once JJ had found Will and they had children.

"I told her I was definitely the best friend." She smiled, as the third bottle came empty. Her rambling had returned to Spencer's current crush. "And I am an amazing wing woman. I got Spencer Reid to accept his love."

"I did not say I was in love. I like her, but love is a strong word." He tried to take the bottle from her but she was fast, even under the influence. "You've been talking for almost an hour, and drinking that in record time. I'm a little concerned for you."

"I've just been trying to pass the time."

"Time for what?"

"For the show to begin." She wiggled her eyebrows, as she drank the last bit of wine left. "I'm gonna have to go get more."

"How about we talk about my feelings instead?" That was the last thing he wanted to do, granted it was also the thing she had been doing for the last hour, but if Emily got any more wasted, they were gonna have a problem tomorrow.

She smiled, but before she could try and convince him to propose, there was a knock at the door. "Right on time!" She whispered.

"What?"

"Just go open the door."

He walked towards the door and opened it slightly, only enough to make his figure known. He was so perplexed to see her standing on the other side that he forgot for a moment he was supposedly still upset with her. Though the fact that Prentiss had been right and she was at his door was making the air get caught in his lungs. Nonetheless, he maintained a neutral expression, waiting for her to speak.

"I came to tell you that you were right. He just wanted to get in pants." He stayed silent, simply observing her. She was upset, and he wasn't sure if it was because of the fact that he was right or because of something Tyler had said. "I actually thought he wanted to apologize, and I think part of me just wanted to believe that for the first time I was not being used, that people actually cared about what I felt."

"There are people that care about you, they are just not the wants you wanted to." He tried not to sound defensive but it seemed impossible. He cared about her, Emily cared about her, the whole team and her mom, even her cousin Nicole cared about her. He wanted her to see that, and maybe for it to be enough one day.

"No, they are! I thought I needed the people who wronged me to fix it, to show me that I was worth the trouble when in reality all I needed was for me to understand that I was. And I just needed a reminder that the people that care about me are the ones that should matter the most." A trace of a smile formed on his lips. He was included, at least he hoped he was, because what a wonderful life that would be. "I am so sorry about how I acted, and I am sorry I left you here waiting for me. Spencer Reid, you are my best friend and you come before any other jerk out there. I need you to know that this time in which I didn't have you with me was miserable. I missed you so much I spent the whole dinner with Tyler talking about you."

"You did?" He seemed genuinely surprised. Emily had predicted this too, and the meaning behind it. He wished he could control his emotions and not read too much into it, but the seed had been planted and now all he could think of is how to tell her he liked her. He was ready to say it, but thankfully he waited for her to finish.

"Yeah, I did. I missed you, and I hope we never fight again, I don't know what I would do without your friendship."

"I missed you too." She bit her lip, and he smiled, though he'd be lying if he said that her seeing him only as a friend was didn't hurt. Here he was, wishing to tell her that he wanted to be more than friends and she had inadvertently stopped him in his tracks. Instead of mopping and wishing to vanish, he decided that her friendship was better than anything else, and he couldn't lose that. He would get over here and she wouldn't even have to know about it. "Wanna come in and watch TV?" He asked, already taking his plan into action.

"I would love that." She smiled, Spencer was about to open the door and let her in when Emily spoke once more.

"That's good to hear, I am trying to get Spence here to watch Dance Moms with me but he refuses, maybe if there is two of us, he'll change his mind." She frowned, clearly confused by the presence of another voice, he opened the door to the view of a very drunk Emily in pajamas.  Her frown softened and she smiled again, seemingly relieved to see her. "May I say, you look hot. Blue suits you."

"So I've been told." She gave him a knowing look and he couldn't help the beat his heart skipped. This feeling was going to kill him one of these days.

"Are you sure you can handle being in that close all night though? Maybe Spencer can lend you one of his shirts." She said, winking at them. He tried not to look completely horrified by the implication that comment had due to the fact that the girl next to him had no idea it was there, but with Emily staring at him as she was, it had become a difficult task.

"Has she been drinking?"

"It's her third bottle of wine."

"We need to cut her off."

"Yeah, we do." He smiled at her, "She's right though, if you want to borrow something more comfortable let me know." The image of her in his shirt, and the idea that her smell might stay in it even after she was gone made him want to rush into his room and get it for her.

"Careful Spencer Reid, I might take you up on that." She joked, and he prayed to all the gods he knew about that she would.

"Awwww, YOU TWO ARE ADORABLE!" The woman screamed. "Just get married already!"

The pair laughed and made their way to the sofa, she closed the door behind her and sat down,  him very aware of their closeness. Emily grabbed the control and looked for the show, cheering like a little girl when she found it. Spencer felt her rest her head on his shoulder and his body immediately tensed up at the notion. He didn't really know for how long he had been feeling this way about her, but he wasn't sure he wanted to ever stop or fade away.

"Your birthday is coming up." She whispered.

"Yeah, I'm turning thirty, can you believe that?"

"You're old." He chuckled. "Do you know what you're gonna do?"

"Probably get a haircut."

"Besides that."

"I don't know. We might have a case."

"What do you want?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I need to get you something extra special for your birthday number thirty, so what do you want?"

"I don't need gits."

"You are no fun."

He had a pretty good idea of what he wanted, but he wasn't sure she was ready to hear it, or that he would ever get it. That was just life, and he had learned early on that he couldn't be greedy, he had a mom he loved, friends he could rely on, and that should be enough. Relationships were hard, feelings faded and he didn't want to be caught up in a situation where he would lose his favorite person in the world. So as he sat there, her head on his shoulders, a drunk Emily singing the themes song of the show they were watching while also giving the dancers advice, he decided that was the best he could hope for, reaffirming once again that his romantic feelings for the girl sitting next to him needed to disappear.

[dwaynepride]

icarus, point to the sun

summary: reader is afraid to know if she’s pregnant. a lot can change in five minutes.

words: 2,416

warnings: pregnancy talk, female reader

tags: @6adb0y @thegoodlonelydalek @consultingdoctorwholock @starryrevelations @thebeckyjolene @diaryofafan17 @specialagentlokitty @stanathanxoox @pageofultron

notes: i didn’t expect to end this fic with such a bleak ending but things have been too fluffy on this blog lately.

The walk to Loretta’s lab was silent, apart from your faint footfalls against the tile.

You wished there were just a little bit more noise. Something to counteract the feeling of cotton in your ears. Something to distract from the hard, painful, twisted feeling your stomach that hasn’t gone away since this morning. Even the prick of your nails digging into your palms couldn’t ground you to reality; there was just too much swimming around in your head. Too many questions and concerns and panicked thoughts.

When you reached the door to autopsy, you pause. Loretta is at her desk, working on some paperwork. Maybe now’s not a good time? She seems busy - much too busy to help you with this elephant-sized problem.

But you also knew that walking away and going back to work without talking to someone about this would be impossible.

You push the door open, instantly getting Loretta’s attention. She smiles warmly; a sight that outta make you feel better, but it doesn’t. In fact, you can’t even meet her eyes when you close the door behind you. “Hey! What brings you here?” Loretta asks, and her chipper tone doesn’t ease the weight on your chest.

How can you answer that question? You weren’t even too sure how to answer, because you didn’t understand your own reasoning for coming here. To talk? To seek advice? To cry and panic and seek Loretta’s reassurance that Dwayne does truly love you?

The look on your face, and the lack of response, shifts Loretta’s expression from pleased to concerned. She stands from her chair and comes around her desk. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve just seen a murder,” she says. Maybe trying to keep a light mood.

You take a deep breath to steady your nerves. To debate on how to go about telling Loretta everything you know and feel without bursting into tears or rambling or regretting your decision.

There’s no easy way to say it, though.

“I think I’m pregnant.”

There’s dead silence.

Again, the only thing you can hear is the blood rushing in your ears. Harsh and roaring and your eyes are locked on Loretta, picking up every single one of her reactions. The way her eyes go wide. When she sucks in a breath and doesn’t let it out. Her muscles taut and unmoving. She’s about as shocked as you were this morning after reading up on pregnancy symptoms for about an hour.

To her credit, Loretta gets over the shock quickly. She steps closer, her hands coming up to hold your arms. And you didn’t think the contact would mean as much as it did, but you crumble. Exhale a long breath and rush against her and there’s a certain feeling of comfort that comes with Loretta’s hug that makes you start crying.

Though, you were already pretty close to tears anyway.

“Hey, it’s alright. Calm down. Are you sure?”

It takes a moment to calm yourself enough to speak, after wiping your tears against the shoulder of her sweater. “Maybe. I don’t know. I have all the symptoms: nausea, I’m getting tired a lot, I’ve been snapping at Dwayne more often...” you tell her, voice weak and shaky.

“Well, it could be any number of things,” Loretta intersects. Her hands running up and down your back help quell the tears. “Have you done a test yet?”

Your head shakes against her shoulder. In all honesty, you were too terrified to go out and buy a test, just yet. Maybe that’s a big reason why you went to Loretta; she always seems to be able to get your head on straight.

She pulls you away, hands dropping to grasp yours comfortingly. And she’s staring right into your watery eyes in that firm, but motherly way she’s so good at. “Alright, then listen to me carefully. You’re going to go buy a pregnancy test; buy two of them, if you need to. You’re going to go home-”

“Loretta, we have a case-”

“You’re going to go home,” she repeats sternly, “and you’re not going to do anything until after you take the test. I don’t care if the head of NCIS himself calls you back to work, he can answer to me.”

Despite the nerves, Loretta’s words do prompt a small huff of laughter. A hand comes up to wipe your cheeks as you nod slowly. Yeah, you can do this. Maybe the fear and the unknowing is what’s driving you to panic the most; knowing for sure is bound to help.

“Okay, now go.” Loretta physically turns you toward the door and gives a light push. Thankfully, your wobbly legs stay steady, and you’re able to take a few steps toward the door. But when Loretta says your name - her voice much softer than it was before - you stop and turn back.

Her face is empathetic. Brows knitted and she exhales. “You also need to tell Dwayne.”

And instantly, your heart is back in your stomach.

-

Your apartment is quiet. There’s no band music or crowd chatter, like deeper in the city. The neighbors aren’t stomping around upstairs. It’s almost like the world is holding its breath - much like you are, right now.

The silence is only interrupted by the sound of the front door slowly opening. You know it’s Dwayne; you called just ten minutes ago and told him it was an emergency. You knew he’d get here as fast as possible, but even then, the noise startled you. And it’s weird, because Dwayne’s presence has always been so damn calming. It’s easy to lean on him when you need that support, and he’d make everything better.

But as he steps into the living room, you can’t even bring yourself to look at him.

“What’s wrong? What’s the emergency?” He asks, instantly taking a step towards the couch. Even without looking, you know he’s worried. Probably has those wide puppy-dog eyes that he wears whenever he’s concerned about someone. But through the corner of your eye, you see him stop dead.

He doesn’t say anything for a few heartbeats. Dwayne’s weight shifts, and he finally clears his throat. “What’s that?” He asks.

And you know he’s seen the thin white box sitting on the coffee table, untouched since it’s been taken out of the bag.

You have to say something, you know this. At the very least, you need to look at him. So slowly, your head tilts up to see a stiff, shocked Dwayne standing at the end of the couch, He doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t move to get a proper look at the box because he already knows what it is. Between that and your behavior, he isn’t so stupid to miss what’s going on. But he needs to hear it.

A shaky exhale comes out while your wring your hands. “I didn’t- I couldn’t start it yet. Not until you got here.”

Your head falls back into its dour position. And that’s probably not the explanation that Dwayne needs or deserves, but it’s the best he’s gonna get. His movements are slow as he approaches, and the first contact he initiates is his hand on your shoulder. Gripping tight, wanting to convey that he’s here and you don’t have to be scared anymore.

“It’s alright, honey. I’m here now, so why dont’cha take it.” He bends over to pick up the box and hand it to you. And when you take it, Dwayne’s hand settles on top of yours. His thumb lightly caresses your skin, and when you look up to him, he’s wearing a soft smile.

It felt impossible to smile right now, but seeing Dwayne try to hard to give you strength....well, you’re starting to wonder why you were so nervous to tell him.

Your hands were a little shaky as you made for the bathroom. It made taking the test a little awkward, but Dwayne was patient. He doesn’t make a peep while waiting on the couch. And when you finally returned, his hands were clasped together. Leg bouncing up and down and eyes wide when they looked up. “How long until we know?” He asks immediately.

“Five minutes.”

“Alright. I’ll set a timer.”

You sit beside him on the couch as Dwayne sets his phone on the coffee table, alight with the numbers 4:59 and dropping by the second. It was going to be very long five minutes.

Your knee presses against Dwayne’s, but neither of you say anything. The air isn’t so casual to just ask how the other’s day has been, so far. Neither much cared about the case right now; not that you could stomach talking about a murder with a potential baby on the way...

God, what if it’s positive?

The thought didn’t hit you until just now, thirty seconds into the countdown.

What if you walk into the bathroom five minutes from now to find two little lines? Proof that your suspicions were true and you’ve had every reason to panic in front of Loretta this morning? And what would Dwayne do? Help raise a child? He’s been through so much the past year, and this is just about the biggest bombshell to drop on him.

Your knee retracts away from Dwayne’s. He notices and turns his head.

And he finds a thin layer of tears lining your eyes. They dart away just as soon as he meets them, but Dwayne is already turning toward you. His face is soft with concern and he puts a hand on your leg and you already know what he’s going to say.

“Hey, don’t cry, baby. It’ll be okay-”

“What if it’s positive, Dwayne?”

He’s silent. His hand on your leg tightens just a bit, but he says nothing. You suppose it’s a loaded question, but one that needs to be asked. After a few silent seconds, your gaze finally rises to meet Dwayne’s. He looks troubled; kinda like the way he looks when something’s not going right on a case. When all the cards are stacked against him.

But there’s something else in his eyes. A familiar hard determination that you’ve seen much more often than the troubled look he wears.

Dwayne leans in to press a long kiss against your forehead, and he doesn’t back away afterward. His head rests against yours, noses nudging just a bit while his hand comes to curve against your jawline. “If it’s positive, then we’ll get through it. Just like we get through everything else,” he says, voice more sturdy than you imagine he feels. “I’ll be with you, no matter what. And that’s a promise.”

And when Dwayne promises you something, it’s not easily broken.

So you nod a little, and for the first time today, you finally feel yourself relaxing. Feeling safe, like the world is no longer swaying under your feet. Dwayne’s lips quirk up in a soft smile before he leans in a bit closer to kiss you. A soft, loving kiss that you return with zeal.

He breaks the kiss with an even bigger smile, backing away. “And you know what? I like the idea of havin’ another baby.”

His statement makes you scoff, and despite the nerves, you’re smiling. “Really?”

“Sure. Maybe this ain’t how I expected it to go, but I wouldn’t mind. ‘Specially if you’re the momma,” Dwayne adds on softly. His thumb comes out to gently run against your cheek.

You believe him. Fully. When you lean your face against his hand, you’re reminded just how gentle he is. How good and patient and loving Dwayne can be, and how great a father he already is to Laurel. How could you have been so terrified? It’s hard to remember why, but the pangs in your chest is replaced with a soft warm feeling. Pure love.

Would he want a boy? Or maybe another girl? You don’t have the chance to ask before the timer goes off.

The soft look in Dwayne’s eyes falter a bit as his hand falls away. You’re both aware that you have to check the test before going any further. To confirm the pregnancy and finally move on from shock to joy. He stands slowly, a hand out to help you up. And together, you walk to the bathroom.

You’re the first one through the door with Dwayne in tow. He’s so close against your back - you feel his body heat. But right now, the only thing you’re focused on is the thin piece of plastic sitting on the counter. Your palms are sweaty, breathing suddenly becomes harder than it was before. Before you reach for the test, your eyes rise to Dwayne.

Neither of you can help the little smile you share.

There’s nothing you can think of that’s quite as lonely as a single line on a pregnancy test. Your eyes flicker to the side, reassuring yourself that two lines means that it’s positive. And even after shaking the damn thing, the second line doesn’t appear.

This should be a good thing. In reality, neither of you have the time for a baby. Not now, not in this job. Dwayne sure as hell has enough on his plate without needing to prepare for a child.

And yet, even knowing this, it doesn’t stop the disappointment from making itself known.

“It’s negative.”

Dwayne’s been looking over your shoulder; he saw the result for himself. But hearing you say it, voice flat and emotionless...well, he’s not totally sure what to say. Should he be comforting you? Or be happy? Neither felt right.

You turn and toss the test into the garbage before looking up to Dwayne. He’s watching you with careful eyes; so prepared to come in and be there if you suddenly start crying again. And at that second, he was ready to promise you anything. He’d give you a baby, if you really wanted it.

But you just offer a small smile and move past him toward the door. Your hand briefly catches his and squeezes it, but it doesn’t stay. “We should get back on the case,” you mumble out before disappearing out of the bathroom.

Dwayne lags behind. His eyes flicker to the test lying in the trash; a stupid little piece of plastic that somehow got him to want a baby more than he wants anything.

He turns away from it and follows you out of the bathroom, flicking the light off as he leaves.

[readingsbylibramc]

synastry chart reading for @fvckhxbits

hello! welcome to your reading. I'm going to give you a quick overview of what I'm going to analyze about your synastry chart: in-depth analysis of house overlays with major aspects, potential of the relationship, soulmates indicators, possible marriage indicators, possible issues and struggles of the relationship, intimacy and physical attraction, what they feel when they see / think about you, in-depth analysis of fate, love and marriage asteroids. of course, if you have any questions, feel free to ask! my dms are always open. now let's get into the reading!

PARTNER A: she / her | libra sun, virgo moon, gemini rising.

PARTNER B: he / him | gemini sun, scorpio moon, scorpio rising.

PARTNER A

- personal planets -

🌞 partner a's libra sun in his 11th house

this could be the type of relationship that started off as a friendship, or at least that feels like a friendship. you and your partner don't focus on doing cheesy, romantic couple stuff, but you also enjoy having fun together like two friends. you may attend parties and events together, you may go out with your friends and get along with each other's friends pretty well. you may socialize more as a couple, perhaps even more than you two usually do. this placement can also indicate that you two met thanks to your friends for example, or maybe online, or even at some sort of social gathering like a party, a concert, etc. basically, a place crowded with people. the 11th house is also about long-term goals, and hence your partner may see you as a dream, as something he wants to last. you two may have a long-term, stable relationship, you both want this relationship to work and to last as much as possible. in addition, this placement may also motivate both of you to achieve the best in life, you may drive each other to be successful and achieve your goals, or perhaps one of them may even be of help to the other to get a reputation, a job, etc.

partner a's libra sun trine partner b's gemini sun: you and your partner just get along with ease. you have the same ideals, the same approach to the world, you see eye to eye on pretty much everything, and even if sometimes you disagree with the other, you still understand their point of view, there's this mutual understanding of each other that makes the relationship flow very smoothly. you're probably not afriad of being judged by the other, as you are so similiar that the atmosphere gets naturally light when you're together. there's no stress, just appreciation and pleasure. you two have same ideas, a similiar mentality and maturity, but you can still bring something new to the other without making it too overwhelming, and that's why this relationship feels so beneficial and light-hearted. for example, your libra sun can bring romance and cooperation to your partner's life. especially since he's a scorpio dominant individual, he may tend to rely on himself most of the time. you're here to help him, to let him understand that you're not alone. your partner, on the other hand, could help you come off as less conceited; that is, you may often want to be right, especially during arguments. your partner brings you the mental stimulation to discuss not for the sake of being right, but to gain knowledge.

🌙 partner a's virgo moon in his 9th house

you see your partner as someone mature, wise, brilliant... basically a role model. they have a lot of influence on you, they’re a sort of inspiration. you may share the same ideas and views of the world, maybe politcally or even about music genre for example. overall, this placement indicates that you perceive your partner as someone powerful and distant from you, someone elevated and far away from you that you can't seem to reach. perhaps, it could also be that you two are physicaly separated, he may live abroad or still somewhere far from where you live, making it hard for you to meet each other. you admire him deeply, and thr flip side to this is that your partner may become too dependant of your compliments, of your opinion of him, and hence a break-up would be fatal for his self-esteem. the 9th house represents sagittarius, which is all about exploring and knowledge, you know? therefore, you may want to get to know this person in-depth, you’re curious about their habits, their talents, their secrets... you want an authentic, reliable vision of him. you never get tired of talking or even just thinking about this person, learning about his persona amuses you. last but not least, this person makes you crave a stable relationship with him; you may see as someone perfectly wise and mature for a long-lasting relationship, you see him as the ‘end of the race’, someone perfect to commit to.

partner a's virgo moon square partner b's gemini mars: this placement may cause some troubles, as you may often be blind to your partner’s attitude. especially since the moon is placed in his 9th house, you may idealize your partner way too much when he’s not actually who he seems to be. at first you may be okay with his behaviour, as a gemini mars and dominant he tends to be way more impulsive than your logical virgo moon. yet, as time goes by, you may start feeling constantly contradicted, arguments could be more frequent as you may misunderstand each other. more specifically, you start realizing that your partner’s nature is too different from yours, and while there are many other aspects that could mitigate this effect, you may still feel as if it’s impossible for you to have a long-lasting, healthy relationship in these occasions. especially your partner, he may often hurt your feelings with his words. on the other hand, this placement also has a positive side! you are strongly attracted to each other, you both feel attached to the other with glue, and that’s exactly why this relationship could become unhealthy, because you may struggle to let go of the other if necessary.your bond is so strong that you can’t manage to separate, even when there are so many hardships and conflicts. 

🗣 partner a's scorpio mercury in his 12th house

this placement makes you extremely empathetic in regards of your partner. you probably can tell what’s going on in his mind pretty well, you may complete his phrases, you may basically read his mind. you know when he’s happy, when he’s sad, when he’s angry, when he’s lying... he’s an open book to you, he can’t hide. perhaps, you may even make dreams about him and viceversa. you could often find yourself daydreaming about this person as well. on the other hand, there are a few problems caused by this placement as well, we’re still talking about the 12th house after all. first of all, your partner is a scorpio dominant: he’s lonely, secretive, private... he doesn’t like showing his real nature to others, he feels uncomfortable revealing all of his secrets, his mind. having someone that understands him so deeply, while it can impress him in some way, you may catch his attention, but at the same time he may as well be annoyed by it. he may start feeling overwhelmed from this lack of privacy, he may want to run away as this relationship could start being unhealthy, especially for him. or perhaps, he may actually be looking for a relationship of this kind, an intense, transformative relationship, therefore he may actually appreciate it, but it depends on what he wants from a partner. his cancer venus makes me think that he would feel at ease with such a strong connection, but again, he’s a scorpio dominant, so he may still be secretive and uncomfortable, maybe it depends on his mood. last but not least, this placement can also make the two of you quite paranoid; your partner may often feel as if you’re hiding something from him, and that could interfer in your bond of course. 

partner a's scorpio mercury conjunct partner b's scorpio moon: I find this placement so lovely! you two get along pretty well, you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with the other. you may be a very sweet couple, you may call each other sweet names like 'honey', 'baby' and so on. also, you have no problems communicating with the other, especially considering that this conjunction also happens in your 5th house, the house of romance. you have very long, confidential talks, it's pleasant for you two to vent all of your worries. there is a mutual understanding that makes it very easy for you two to stay committed in a relationship, as it's an healthy environment for your mental health. you could be each other's therapist, you always try to understand what the other's thinking. the only problem that could arise with this placement is that you may tend to analyze too much your partner's emotions. for example, let's suppose your partner has had a bad day and he wants to talk about it to you. he just wants to vent and be heard, but you may mistake this for wanting to be helped. you could give him some advices, when he actually didn't ask for anything. basically, remember that you don't always have to solve his problems, just listen to him.

❤️ partner a's sagittarius venus in his 1st house

this placement indicates that you most likely find your partner extremely attractive! he probably fits your beauty standards, you find him very charismatic and charming, it's hard for you not to stare at him. basically, he's your type. also, aside from being into his looks, you may also be fascinated from the way he presents himself in general: you may like his fashion sense, his manners, the way he approaches people, the way he speaks... bascially, everything about the outer him, it was likely love at first sight, or at least you instantly felt strong attraction to this individual when you first met him. also, this placement also indicates that you may inspire your partner in an artistic way, and viceversa. for example, let's suppose you like writing; you may feel inspired by your partner to write books about him, or perhaps poetry or song lyrics. you see your partner as someone aesthetically pleasant, basically as a piece of art. your partner also has this placement, his cancer venus is in your first house, therefore this feeling is mutual. overall, you both feel flattered and loved by the other, you may often compliment each other and that will be a complete self-esteem boost for both of you. feeling loved by your partner and viceversa inspires you to love yourself, and as a result you feel more beautiful.

partner a's sagittarius venus opposite partner b's gemini mars: I wouldn't say this is an extremely negative placement. oppositions are still easier to deal with than squares in my opinion, but still there could be some major problems regarding conflicts. you and your partner may not see eye to eye regarding love and sex, you may struggle to meet each other's wants. for example, you may desire more romanticism from your partner, and your partner may want more physical attraction from you. you may tend to act submissive around your partner, he could make you feel like a teenage, while your partner adopts a more bossy, stereotypically 'manly' behaviour. while this may be attractive and 'safe' for both of you, it could actually become a boring relationship that doesn't bring anything new to both of you. you are very different, you most likely have differents needs and wants that you expect from a relationship, making it difficult to work of course. but again, you're not doomed: your venus is sextile your partner's saturn. that means that, with time and growth, your partner will eventually start to understand you and your point of view. basically, at first it may be hard to feel healthy while being in a relationship of this kind, but as time goes by, you'll both learn some major life lessons that will improve your love life. even if this relationship doesn't last, you'll still get out of it with loads of maturity and experiences.

partner a's sagittarius venus sextile partner b's libra saturn: as I’ve mentioned above, this placement is particularly positive in this chart. the saturn person, your partner, with time will make you more mature and responsible. he will teach you how to stand up for yourself, without depending on someone else. he will allow you to be more of an adult as well, he could literally act like a father figure with you at a certain point. the saturn person, on the other hand, will learn from you, the venus person, how to be more laid-back. he may be someone very busy and constantly stressed that can’t dedicate much time to himself. you will soften him, you’ll show him that it’s safe to let feelings take over sometimes, that it’s fine to show love and affection to others. he won’t be seen as weak, but simply as human. it’s an important life lesson that he needs to learn since he has a lot of grumpy scorpio energy which restricts him from truly enjoying life and relationships, as he tends to be more introspective. the only problem that comes with this relationship is that you may eventually start feeling limited in this relationship; your sagittarius venus wants to be free, you want your relationships to be all about fun without any worries, and with a partner that acts like your dad you may start feeling oppressed in the long run. especially since your partner may even have quite of a cold, detached approach with you, that will hardly make it seem like a romantic, fairytale-like relationship if that’s what you’re looking for. same goes for your partner: while he may see you as someone bright and cheerful that lights up his day, he may start seeing you as too immature for him.

☄️ partner a's virgo mars in his 10th house

this placement isn’t exactly romantic, I would say it’s more suitable for a working relationship, but there are still some notes that could resonate. in first place, you may inspire your partner to be successful, you may be his strenght to pursue a certain career or even just to lead in general. your support boosts his self-esteem, allowing him to succeed and achieve his goals. in addition, you may actually work in the same field, or perhaps you aspire to follow his steps and work in the same environment as him. you may also literally help each other with your job, for example if he works in an office you may help him getting some documents done, if he’s a teacher you may help him with his students, etc. one thing for sure, you would support him in anything he does, you would become his numer #1 fan. the house person, aka your partner, also sees potential in you, and he may help you being more successful in your finances and career as well. he probably appreciates your skills and talents, as well as your strategies. the problem with this overlay is that, at first, this relationship could be quite boring or even cold at first. there’s a lot of seriousness and respect from both of you, which could make this relationship too heavy, especially for your free-spirited sagittarius venus. this placement could also be interpreted in a more family-related way: you may inspire him to become a father, he may be very present for his children, and he would do anything to provide wealth and security for his family. 

partner a's virgo mars square partner b's gemini mars: this placement is quite tricky, especially when it comes to the sexual side of the relationship. more specifically, you tend to have quite different needs from the other which interfer in the way you enjoy your moments together. for instance, during sexual encounters, you probably don’t have the best of your time as you have different views of sex. you see it as something very intimate, your virgo mars makes you very picky, and you probably enjoy being prepared, you don’t like improvising. your partner is literally the opposite: he prefers exploring and constantly trying out new things without warning. he’s a mutable dominant individual, he doesn’t like settling down to one thing, and that could make you feel overwhelmed. you like being in control, and in this relationship you would definitely struggle to be in charge. basically, you may both be disappointed from the other’s sexual performance, and especially for your partner, sex is important. if it isn’t enjoyable, he could easily detach and drift away. he also seems very stubborn, he probably won���t try to sacrifice his desires to satisfy your needs, therefore if you’re not willing to adapt to his wants, I would say that this relationship wouldn’t be healthy if it lasted much. in addition, aside from issues regarding your intimate life, you may even fight on a daily basis, especially since you also have 12th house synastry that brings misunderstandings. I have this aspect myself with tons of people I know, and I can say that I constantly feel annoyed by them. I just don’t vibe with them, we constantly argue and disagree on so many things. even if you have other soft aspect that may make this more bearable, it’s still something that shouldn’t be underestimated, especially if you’re aspiring to have a long-term relationship with this person.

PARTNER B

🌞 partner b's gemini sun in her 12th house

this one is kind of a tricky placement. while this placement indicates that your partner feels strongly attracted to you, he may also feel rejected and / or confused about this relationship with you (or even viceversa, you may be the one to feel rejected). when he first saw you, he probably couldn't get his eyes off of you, you were constantly in his mind, you attracted him like a magnet. it's a very intense relationship, but that he probably can handle since he himself has some 12th house placements and heavy scorpio dominance in his chart. it's actually quite beneficial to have such a placement for him and for the sake of the relationship, or he may possibly get bored of it, especially since he's a gemini sun. you may see your partner as someone very charming and alluring, even mysterious, and that's probably why you fell for him in the first place. in addition, your relationship may also be enigmatic; you may hide your relationship, or perhaps one of you tries to hide the other from their friends, family, etc. or at least there's this fear of being open about this connection. you're probably the more private type of couple, you may like to socialize but only in safe environments with people you trust. aside from that, I don't see any other hardship coming from this aspects, since your sun and your partner's form a beautiful trine. hence, you get the best of the 12th house: this may be a very dreamy and romantic relationship, or perhaps you actually dream of each other. you could also help each other in some way, you're always there for the other and you're also very loyal. now, I don’t know if this relationship is canon or not, as astrology can’t determine that, but this placement can also indicate platonic / one-sided love. you may tend to idealize your partner a lot, and you may never have the opportunity to confess your feelings to this person. but again, this will only apply if this person doesn’t know about you, and of course it doesn’t mean that the relationship is impossible.

partner b's gemini sun conjunct partner a's gemini ascendant: finally, a pleasant aspect! your partner probably thought that you were very attractive when he first saw you. you may meet his ideals of beauty, he sees you as his type of girlfriend. he likes the way you move, the way you speak and present yourself, or even just the way you look physically, he may like your face and body. he may even be more straight-forward and approach you first, he may often spoil you with compliments and you don’t step back from them. you appreciate the way he looks, or even stare at you. actually, you may even crave his attention. your partner, aside from admiring you deeply, may even take you as a role model, he may desire to be like you, especially in your way of approaching the world. perhaps, since he’s a scorpio rising, he may wish to come off as more easy-going and open, just like you do thanks to your gemini ascendant. same thing goes for you: you also appreciate the way your partner lives his life, his achievements, his goals, his ideals, and so on. luckily, there aren’t other negative placements that interfer with this mostly-posiitve aspect. in fact, this aspect could possibly bring a feeling of competition between you two, as instead of admiring and appreciating the other, you may start hating yourselves because you think the other is better.

🌙 partner b’s scorpio moon in her 5th house

this placement is extremely lovely! probably one of the best to have in a romantic relationship. your partner may feel fascinated by your hobbies, your skills and talents; you may be particularly creative and / or intelligent, and this is really attractive to him. he sees you as someone very lovely, someone ideal to start a relationship. you two feel comfortable together, you can both have fun like two children playing around; you may often tease each other for example, but you never misunderstand or get hurt by the other, there’s this mutual love and empathy for the other that makes it extremely rare for you two to be in conflict. sex is also pretty romantic and, above all, respectful. your partner may always try to be gentle with you, as he doesn’t want to hurt you in any way, thanks to this placement he may be way more considerate than his scorpio moon when he’s with you. what I’m going to say now is a bit more specific, but since the 5th house is also about creativity and arts, you may literally become a muse for your parter. for example, if he’s a singer, he may write songs about you; if he’s a writer, he could write poetry or romance thinking about you, and so on. you inspire him to relax and have fun, without thinking about job and worries, just pleasure. it’s indeed a very peaceful and amusing relationship. in addition, the 5th house rules leo, the ego, the self-esteem. being with this person, especially when he spoils you with compliments and appreciation, is extremely helpful for you to feel more loved and secure of yourself, especially in your appearance. therefore, this relationship has the potential to be healthy for both of you, as long as you don’t become too obsessed about each other’s opinion of the other.

🗣 partner b's cancer mercury in her 1st house

with this placement, you probably also fell for your partner for the way he talks, he exposes his thoughts, his choice of words. you may even be literally into his voice, you like the way it sounds, you thought it was attractive when you first heard it. you may even see your partner as someone smart and intellectual who has a way with words, someone that  can achieve whatever he wants thanks to his witty intellect. you may also enjoy his sense of humor, you probably don’t force your laugh when you’re around him because you find him genuinely entertaining. as for your partner, he may also be into the way you think and talk, he could be fascinated by your ideas and creativity. in addition, mercury is all about curiosity, and hence he may be curious to get to know you. when you first met him, he felt this sudden urge to get to know you, he could’ve been the first one to randomly approach you, and he started making random questions just to hav ìe a conversation with you. even more simple things like “What is your favourite food?” looks fine to him, as long as he learns something new about you, he cares about this kind of stuff. this placement can surely make good friendships, as you two are able to have an amusing conversation, even though it may be more casual rather than deep. you probablty wouldn’t talk about the meaning of life with him, to make it simple, but rather about your hobbies, your passions.

☄️ partner b's gemini mars in her 12th house

this is another tricky house overlay. you probably feel extremely attracted to this person, but you can’t figure out the reason. it’s like you’re under a spell, you don’t know when it started and when it’s going to end, if it’s ever going to end. in fact, this placement will make it particularly hard for you to let go and forget about this person, you may constantly hold on any little clue that may indicate that this relationship can work and be long-lasting, even if it starts stressing out both of you. the thing is, since you can’t exactly understand why you feel so attracted to this person, you find it hard to find a reason to end it. of course you can’t rush something like this, you prefer understanding your feelings in-depth rather than base yourself on your suppositions, but in this way you’ll just get stuck into this cycle. aside from that, mars is also about physical attraction, therefore with this placement, your partner may not feel physically attracted with you, and if he does, there could be some issues regarding sex and intimacy in general. he may feel as if you don’t appreciate him and viceversa, and this could obviously lead to many conflicts, not only between the two of you, but in general  in yourselves. you may start feeling like a failure, as if you’re not worthy of love at all, when it’s  absolutely not the way you should interpret this. it simply means that  you two can’t see eye to eye, and therefore you can’t match each other’s energy.

ASTEROIDS & CO

❤️ partner b's libra juno conjunct partner a's libra sun

this is the only relevant aspect I could find regarding love asteroids and points of destiny. at least, it’s very positive! in fact, juno is the asteroid of marriage. with his juno being conjunct your sun, your partner sees you as his ideal partner, his ideal spouse, someone he wants to commit to and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with. he’s probably into a feminine, romantic and elegant partner that would do anything for him, and you totally fit that description, you embody his ideal personality. therefore, this placement makes it extremely easy to  get along at first and feel attracted to each other. you may as well feel as if you want to marry this person,as if you he was meant to be your husband. it could pretty much feel like a soulmate connection, especially with that magical 12th house synastry that you two share.

CONCLUSION

pretty much, I wouldn’t say this relationship is extremely romantic. if you asked me, I would say that it looks more like a friendship, or perhaps like a platonic relationship based on these placements. the thing is, you have this 12th house synastry that makes you fantasize and dream about this connection and about your partner in general. the problem is that you may often ignore red flags, as you’re very confused about this relationship in first place. if you’re not together yet, you may even doubt that your partner feels attracted to you. to be completly honest, I barely see this as a love relationship, or at least not in this lifetime. you don’t have many karmic indicators of you two being meant to meet and marry, but your 12th house synastry does indicate some sort of soulmate connection. since I was quite unsure, I decided to pull out a tarot card to sort out my doubts. I got the chariot, which is all about experiences, it’s a journey. therefore, my take on this is that you two may have some karmic bond, but your souls may need to wait for a few lifetimes before finally meeting in human form. I have this strong feeling that you probably haven’t met this person yet, but if you actually did and you’re in this relationship, then I’d suggest you to trust your intuition. possibly, spiritual outlets could also help you understanding if this relationship is worthy for you and for your mental health, like astrology, tarots, meditation, etc. after all, astrology indicates the potential, but the fate of the relationship is still in your hands, you’re free.

and this is the end! thank you again for booking a reading :) let me know if you have any questions xx

- libramc

[daily-dose-of-imagines]

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Matchup ♥

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Naruto, One Piece, and Free Match-Up Request

May I request another match-up but for Free, One Piece, and Naruto this time? :) Here’s all my info once more!

Name: Corethra (or Corey for short)

Age: 25

Gender: Female

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual

Occupation: Hand Packer at an ice cream factory. I work 12 hours (5:30pm to 6am) on a rotating schedule.

Birthplace: Memphis, TN, USA. I was raised in the neighborhood called Frayser which is the most impoverished area in Memphis and has a high crime rate as expected.

Zodiac Sign: Pisces (born March 2) My full birth chart can be found here

Enneagram: 5w6

Chinese Zodiac: Year Of The Pig

MBTI Type: INFJ

Alignment: Lawful Neutral

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Love Language: Acts Of Service

Race/Ethnicity: African-American

Height: 4'11 (Call me short and I’ll kick your butt!)

Body Type/Shape: Average but well developed figure at best. I weigh about 158 lbs and am pretty insecure about my body. I also have really bad scars on my left arm from being bitten by a dog.

Hair Color/Style: Black and naturally curly but I keep it flat-ironed so it’s straight. It’s long and goes down to just below my shoulder blades. There are times when I will have braids put in of various lengths.

Glasses or No?: Yes I wear glasses

Eye Color: Brown

Dress Style: I usually dress up in a casual way, just throwing on whatever looks good at the time but I will sometimes put in the effort when the time calls for it or when I’m in a good mood. I have an affinity for the punk, emo, and goth styles and I rarely wear feminine clothes but I will wear something risky every once in a while.

Hobbies/Interests: Video games, reading, writing, anime, internet surfing, listening to music, politics (sometimes), watching movies/TV shows, basically being an overall nerd. I’m usually either on my laptop or one of my many video game consoles if I’m not on my phone or reading one of my books.

Dislikes: Ignorance, stupidity, restriction, manipulation/gas-lighting, bullying, humanity, not being understood, corruption/injustice, close-mindedness

Personality: At first glance, I seem quiet and keep to myself, only speaking when I need to or when I’m spoken to. I’m an anti-social introvert to the fullest and don’t care much for small talk or going out. I prefer to have deeper conversations. When I get comfortable enough in whatever environment I’m in, I start to open up bit by bit. I’m a tomboy and pretty rough-minded as well as stubborn. I’m very sassy, have a smart, sarcastic, and witty mouth if not humorous and outrageous at times, can be borderline rude and mean, and I’m more sensitive than I care to be. I can literally cry at someone’s suffering especially if it’s someone I’m close to or even a total stranger. I’m very empathetic and my heart is bigger than what most people would expect. Most people describe me as quiet, intelligent, creative, dorky, a smartass, and really sweet. I love a good laugh and have an open sense of humor to boot.

Many of my friends say that I’m very sweet and kind which I usually am if I’m in a good mood as well as affectionate as hell. Hugs and pet names galore with me! However only my friends and family see that side of me. My language is often unfiltered, harsh, foul, and blunt which shocks people because they think I’m a pure angel. I say what I want when I want and no one tells me otherwise. If they do, they can expect a mouthful from me. I’m an escapist and very imaginative, can be a bit scatterbrained at times, and I’m methodical and detailed to the point of perfectionism. I’m usually a walking contradiction in terms of personality in so many ways to the point where the real me is almost impossible to decipher. To make matters more complicated, I’m not very good at expressing myself verbally and prefer to let my actions do the talking. I also express myself better through written form.

I have many pet peeves and I get annoyed easily in general. I’m also slowly embracing misanthropy and nihilism but I can be pretty idealistic so it balances out. I’m practically zero tolerance when it comes to bullshit. I hate confrontation and conflict but I’m starting to work on it so I can be less passive-aggressive and more assertive. I also wish to stand up for myself more often than I should so people won’t think that I’m weak and an easy target. I’m pretty cynical which is to be expected and usually expect the worst from people. When someone angers me, I will either just withdraw altogether and completely cut them off (slam the door basically) or get in their face and go off before doing the former. I’m the “hold my anger in and release it all at once” type but I hope to change that one day and stop letting things fester before they get out of hand. I can be quite petty and even cold as well and if someone wrongs me, they will have to make the first move to mend fences. I refuse to apologize if I’m not in the wrong and I will not accept gaslighting/guilt tripping. I also refuse to change for others and will admit to having quite a lot of pride but that’s mostly due to me not wanting to be hurt and manipulated, mistreated, or used.

I have issues with trust and a wild imagination to boot. I usually trust my instincts and can see right through bullshit. I don’t like taking risks and I have to know all the details when I do something so I don’t mess up and look like an idiot. I am indeed a perfectionist and introverted to a fault which often prevents me from trying new things and going outside my comfort zone. I haven’t been in a relationship yet and am still a virgin due to my issues with trust and not wanting to be hurt or humiliated as well as being quite picky/perfectionistic with the people I allow in my life. I have high standards for both people and myself although I’m pretty laid-back and my dislike of conflict allows me to also take a lot of shit from people too before I eventually say “fuck it” and slam the door or go off on them. I don’t think very highly of myself and can sometimes fall into a period of self-hatred and self-pity.

Many people praise me for my intelligence which is fitting since I’m an intellectual. My ideals and beliefs are rather odd to say the least (I’m a classical liberal/independent and despise most ideologies/ideas. This includes religion, feminism, social justice, traditionalism, statism, big government, nationalism, socialism/communism, etc.) and I feel misunderstood because of it (mostly because of the black community ostracizing me). I am indeed a rebel, open-minded, and a free thinker. No one tells me how to think or feel or else they face my wrath. I highly value power over myself and I think it’s the most important thing that a person needs in order to survive. I am definitely an outcast at heart and I often distance myself from others and don’t like talking about my feelings or beliefs because I think most people lack the ability/capacity to understand me. Before I give my opinion on something, I like to do as much research as possible as well as look at things from all perspectives before coming to my own conclusion. I don’t mind discussing things but I prefer logic over emotion when doing so which makes it damn near impossible these days for me to have an real conversation without insults and threats being thrown (usually towards me). Chances are I’m gonna find something wrong with damn near anything someone believes in or says and I’m not afraid to call it out when I see it. Once I do open up and express how I feel, the gates of passion will open up and never close. I also have high morals and values and stick to my guns no matter what which can make me pretty stubborn at times.

I’m currently battling depression and often experience many symptoms of it including suicidal thoughts and depression spells. I also suffer from iron-deficiency anemia as well as irregular, prolonged periods. These things are pretty annoying for me to deal with whenever they flare up. 

Overall, I’m pretty crazy and a handful to deal with. Good luck matching me up with someone :P

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Hello @sacredwarrior88 and thank you so much for requesting with us! I am so sorry that this came out so late, but I do hope you enjoy this!

>Admin 𝕋

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

𝐼 𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽…

Ace! I feel that you and ace would be such a great couple! He is open minded and kind to others whereas you are the same way! You are passionate like he is, caring like he is, loyal to the bone like he is! He would see you and see your personality and just instantly fall in love you and your personality! Like, I can’t even imagine how much he will want you on his crew, so they he can keep on you and protect you at all times-- though he will soon figure out that you don’t need help, you can take care yourself--which he will find extremely attractive, no doubt about that! 

He will love that fact that you are independent, because he really values individualism and independency, he sees it as a great traits to have. But he will also love the fact that you are sensitive, and can sometimes get into your own  head. He understands that, knows it all too well, so he will try with all his might to try and make sure that you are happy and always smiling! But he will love how fierce you can be to other people, never bowing down to their expectations! 

All in all, I feel like Ace would be a great man for you in the one piece universe! He would be attentive to you, would love your attitude and personality, and would absolutely adore how loyal and strong you are! make sure to love him thoroughly!

Ah, Sai! He is much like Ace, just a little less emotional, which is fine! I feel like you and Sai would make a couple for a couple reasons! He would love how mature you are, and how logical you can be, and-- like ace-- he loves the fact that you are extremely loyal to your friends! That is a true factor in the way he will see you, and it is for the better! He will se how strong you are, emotionally and will be envious and at the same time fascinated! I Feel like Sai will look at you with wide eyes, his breath caught in his throat, his heart beating wildly in his ribcage because he will love you that much! All the things you are interested he will want to hear with enthusiasm, everything you love he will want to learn and hear from you, to get to know you better!

Another thing is that if you were to go to him with your insecurities and how you are battling depression, he will try to understand, and once he does he will try to everything and anything to make sure you feel better! You need a massage? He’s on it! You need cuddles? oh yeah he will give you some! You need chocolate or sweets or anything of the like? He’ll run to the store, and be back 5 minutes tops! 

All in all, I feel like the cool, mature Sai, with a heart of pure gold will be such a good match for you! He will make sure that you uncomfortable with him, he will never want to make you unhappy, and he will definitely do anything i his power to make sure that you will keep on loving him as much as you can!

Rei! Now, with Rei, I wanted to go a more cute route. I feel that Rei would be equal parts and scared and in love with you! He sees how strong you are against people that oppose, he sees how strong you are for your friends, and how you have such a different personality to everybody else around him, and he will immediately fall in with you. Like instantly! To him, you’d be like a beautiful butterfly blooming right in front of him, and he will want to have you all tot himself! Of course, he won’t force you, but he will definitely watch you at a distance longingly!

He is very much an introvert and your calm but strong aura would definitely help with his anxiety! I just see him melting next you, into your lap or shoulder whenever you are around him because he is so comfortable around you. He doesn’t do this with just anybody so it would be a real honor! And when it it comes to your insecurities, he would want to make sure that you know he loves you the way are, and if you were to want to change something about yourself, then he will support you all the way, as long as you are happy! He will just love that you are such a freethinker and so openminded about things, so unlike him!

All in all, I feel like Rei would love you and (somewhat) idolize because you have all these traits that he would love to have. This perfectionist will understand how it feels to be such a perfectionist and will want to help you with that too! He will love to the moon and back(stroke)!

[lady-plantagenet]

Unsolicited Book Reviews (n3): The Sunne in Splendour

Rating:

⭐️⭐️⭐️(+1/2?)

Even before I had an account, I tended to go to tumblr to see people’s opinions before buying a histfic. Certain books are either severely underrepresented, where I feel like there needs to be something on them, whereas others, though talked about enough, something more can still be said about them. So for my quarantine fun, I have decided to start a series where I review every medieval historical fiction novel I read. Hopefully, it will either start interesting discussions or at least be some help for those browsing its tag when considering purchasing it.

TL;DR: Keep in mind that I’m harsh with my ratings. I don’t expect my historical fiction to offer some sort of insight about the human condition or be some perfectly manicured prose, but this book’s biggest detriment was its lack of depth. Some scenes packed a serious emotional punch, but then again I am attached to this era and given the length, it would be insane not to. I learned a lot - no lie, but while my background knowledge on the wars of the roses has become enriched, I feel no closer to Richard.

Plot: We follow Richard III from a young boy at eight right before the catastrophe that was Ludlow to his death and a few years after. This story seems to be told through omniscient third person point of view, which creates issues when it comes to voice - a lot of the characters sound the same (John ‘Jack’ Howard, Francis Lovell, Richard Catesby to name a few). This is only a natural consequence of the sheer amount of people Penman chose to portray. I’m honestly still grateful for this as I was not a fan of Richard III’s POV, but really enjoyed Richard Neville Earl of Warwick’s, Margaret of Anjou and Cecily Neville’s. Everytime these three were the center of the chapter, it was truly enjoyable and multi-faceted which comes to show that Penman is capable of writing complexity when she wants to. I would also like to add that the author’s knowledge of medieval life (e.g. the food, the dogs, the nature of battles) was a high point of this novel and did something to counter-balance the rampant late 20th century flavour in this novel. She tries way too hard to adapt a medieval man such as Richard to our modern values to propagate her Richardian Agenda, which ultimately underscored this.

It must be said though that the author clearly did her research as most of what she said regarding minutae such as: what day of the week it was, where the characters were at one time, details of documents, who did what in which battle, what laws were passed etc... I had just come back to this time period after some years and I thought I knew all there was to know, yet, here comes this book which springboarded me into a wealth of new research - I suppose I am grateful for that. However, do not let that delude you into thinking it is comprehensive. There were historical innacuracies which I can only guess were intentionally made for the sake of the author’s Richardian goal e.g. Anne Neville being forced into her marital duties when historicalMargaret of Anjou made it clear that there would be no consummation until Warwick would prevail at Barnet, Isabel Neville being ‘abandoned’ by her husband in France when really it was only about 4 months they were apart and it would have made no sense for Isabel to sail with an invasionary force, Richard III abolishing benevolence tax because he thought it unfair as opposed to the reality which was that he had failed in his initial attempt to raise them because the population opposed, Richard III allowing the marriage between Jane Shore and Thomas Lynsom when in reality he had initially opposed it... Historical fiction is entitled to innacuracies but given that the author made it clear in her afterword that the only time she strayed was setting a scene in Windsor as opposed to Westminster, it is dishonest to conceal the aforementioned blips, especially when they are so unobvious that it would take a seasoned enthusiast to spot them. As you can tell they either do have a negative bearing on Richard’s image as a saint or show detractors in a positive light, clearly neither that which she was in a mood to explain away.

Characterisation: I can not stress enough how well Cecily Neville was portrayed, every scene she was in, I felt. She tends to be a very difficult character to get because of the whole illegitimacy rumour which casts shades of doubt. She was proud but also pious, subservient but also commanding... just an incredible woman of gravity. I enjoyed Warwick in all his flamboyancy as well and Edward IV was masterfully portrayed as the intelligent but forgiving man that he was. You could clearly see how despite his indulgent character, he knew when it was time to be serious, it was a joy to read the scenes where he strikes people into subserviancy. Anne Beauchamp was also quite a treat for the little time we had with her.

There were also some portrayals of mixed quality: George Duke of Clarence for one, his warped sense of humour and charm were well presented, his unpredictability adequately captured. The issue I have though is that no man is unpredictable to themselves and while it may make sense for other characters to see his temperaments as those like a weather vane it would make no sense for it to be this way in the chapters where he is the POV. Penman’s basically wrote him off as crazy (I mean literally mad) for the majority of the story which is utter tripe given that the whole madness angle is a modern invention. I won’t write more on this now as it deserves its own post (btw if anyone wants me to elaborate on anything I said so far send me an ask). Last thing I will say though: the last scene we have with him is utterly tragic and still sticks with me today, honestly the best writing in this novel was during the ‘Anne’ Book and ‘Protector of the North’ in the years surrounding George’s death. Speaking of, where do I begin with Isabel Neville and Elizabeth Woodville? Their marriages with Richard’s brothers are portrayed negatively for no other reason than to set up Richard and Anne Neville as a perfect love story. This story-telling technique is cheap as hell and I did not expect to find it in a novel so highly acclaimed for its ‘quality’. Let me make this clear: The marriage which was hailed as a love match at that time was that of Elizabeth Woodville and Edward IV. Anne and Richard could have been just as much a marriage of politics as George and Isabel’s, or the latter’s just as much a love match. George fought for Isabel just as much, if not more than Richard did for Anne, George stayed loyal for a surety whereas Richard’s bastard John’s conception may have coincided with his marriage according to Hicks, Marrying Anne was highly advantageous for Richard as marrying Isabel for George... I could go on. Therefore, why is Isabel constantly described as wretched, miserable and at one point abused(!) by her husband whereas Richard was nothing but gentle to the happy Anne. The Mary of Burgundy proposal story is often cited as proof that George only cared about power... but what about Richard’s proposal to Joanna of Portugal one month after Anne died? This may sound minor but it’s a perfect example of the author trying hard to make Richard a modern romantic figure which he wasn’t. I think he may have loved Anne Neville, but that doesn’t change the fact that he was a medieval king and made marriage provisions after her death to secure the succession. For a 800+ page novel about Richard III some seminal pieces of information were left out such as his seizure of the aged Dowager Countess of Oxford’s Howard fortune, the mysterious circumstances in which George Neville Duke of Bedford died young and unmarried after becoming his ward. All in all, do not let the wonderful historical detail fool you into thinking this is a complete account of Richard III’s day to day life.

Don’t even get me started on the Woodvilles... They were all treacherous villains and social climbers who belonged in hell. EVEN ANTHONY WOODVILLE - what has he ever done to Penman or anyone? All scenes with Elizabeth Woodville at the beggining were bedding scenes pretty much, which shows that the author saw her as nothing more than a heartless seductress. There was even a point where Edward in his rage said: ‘you would lie with a leper if it meant you becoming Queen’ and I was just shocked at that. I was further shocked when her daughter Elizabeth of York was musing that if her mother had been a good wife her father wouldn’t have needed to stray and I was just like... ‘I thought we were trying to be sensible in this book 0_0’ - How is it appropriate to have a woman blamed for her husband’s infidelity? How can we have such blatant classism and sexism on the one hand and late 20th century wokeness on the other? It’s what I said earlier, the author can’t prop up Richard and Anne without putting down all other couples in this book. By the end of the book I was honestly finding myself cheering for Elizabeth Woodville as she was becoming the woman with sense and cunning as we all know her, the saving grace of this entire characterisation was that Elizabeth became the only person with a brain by the end (I doubt this was the author’s intention). Down here in this category of bad characterisation I will add Richard and Anne themselves. Anne Neville though often absolutely adorable to me lacked any personality trait apart from being in love with Richard and past sexual abuse by Edward (which didn’t historically happen). Anne’s father and only sister die and she barely thinks about them, which severely undermines her portrayal as a loving and empathetic person. Her death scene and wane was tragic and affected me as a reader but holy Christ before that the author was very heavy handed throughout the book with her martyrisation of Anne, even when she was a young girl and everything was going well she cried in nearly every goddamn scene. Yes, this is Warwick’s daughter we are talking about. Richard (unlike the real great man that once lived on this earth) was similarly flawless and any small flaw he had was something like: ‘too trusting’, ‘acts then thinks’ - essentially ‘too good for this world’ flaws. No one is like this, least of all the real Richard who would not recognise this weird contrived romanticisation of a man. The saving grace of all this is that he admitted around the end to himself and Anne that he did want to be king a little bit, which YES, at least we get that because no one goes through all the procedures he did and endangers the survival of their house, unless they wanted to become king, at least a little bit. All in all, if Penman’s Richard III is the real man, all I have to say is: thank god his reign was cut short because this character would have made a terrible and weak monarch.

Prose: And here is where another of the stars was deducted. The prose is largely very pedestrian. It was full of modern phrases such as ‘hear me out’, ‘He thinks I am in the wrong’ ‘he can’t get away with this’ and other such likes. Also, I know it’s difficult to write a book where everyone’s names are Elizabeth, Edward, Richard and Anne, but apart from ‘Nan’ which was a nickname of that time, the modernity of ‘Bess’, ‘Bella’ or ‘Lisbet’ and the use of them in-text and not just dialogue, did much to draw me out of the medieval era. This is not just a criticism towards Penman but a grand majority of historical fiction novelists of this period. Having said that, her choice to cut conjunctions and use the word ‘be’ intead of ‘is’ or ‘are’ did not bother me at all and I found it effective in dating the language a bit. I appreciate that writing in poetic prose for 800+ pages is extremely difficult, but other’s have done it. And even in other novel where that’s not the case, the writing is still profound and impactful and conveys a deeper meaning, whereas here it’s more of a fictionalised history book. The author appears to have some imagination as the few scenes she made up e.g. Catherine Woodville’s visit to Richard or Edward summoning Edmund’s previous carer John to talk about Edmund as he was trying to deal with the grief of losing George, any scene with Cecily Neville in it, Anne Neville and Veronique (OC lady-in-waiting to her) when they were in hiding, Rosamund and Richard at the end, Margaret of Anjou when she was lodged at that abbey, When Stillington visited George before his death to give him a rosary and last rites and he refused to get them from him, Anne and Richard going to Middleham and Isabel’s lying in state were just some of them. However, even if you took all those well-written scenes and stuck them together they would not be more than maybe 150 pages which is not good in such a massive novel. I really don’t know how I would rank the prose, I feel weird saying it’s at the low bestseller level because at least it’s not overwritten and annoying, however, it lacked a lot of soul most of the time, which is dissapointing given what Penman had to work with. I can see that the author has some strengths, for example she’s good at writing about the weather and the natural landscape, she’s also good at describing facial expressions. But her massive flaw is dialogue and flow - especially the latter. The flow is hindered by her abject inability to weave historical events and their happenings into the prose, so she often settles for an exposition dump, especially when it comes to some male chatacter’s POV such as John Howard, Francis Lovell or Buckingham. A lot of the characters exposited at each other too, which wasted the opportunity for some serious character profiles. Basically too much telling and not enough showing. In conclusion, It didn’t always feel clunky, expository or laboured, but it way too often did for the good to be redeemed by the bad prose-wise.

In Conclusion, I cheated on this book a couple of times when it dragged, but got right back into it whenever the good sections came along. It is one of these books which people cannot stop raving about and I can’t stress how much I wanted to love it when I got it. It’s nice being a fan of something a lot of people are too for once, but it was just not to be. But at least now I can say I have read the cult classic of this histfic niche which apparently everyone has read and cried over. Even though it took me 7 months where others got through it in a week through sleepless nights. Despite all the negativity in this review, I would still reccomend it as it is a solid book and written by someone who clearly gets the conflict and time period. You will learn lots with this book (I intend to keep it as a sort of timeline) regarding things that you might otherwise find too dry to research in depth e.g. battle strategies and sieges. But what you will not learn about is the characters’ psychologies and personalities though Penman tries very hard and heavy-handedly to exposit their feelings to us.

[platinummice]

This was a lot more that i thought for some reason, the answers are pretty short and to the point so if you want me to elaborate on something a bit more feel free to ask :)

@rockshortage

What of the Meyers-Briggs personality types they most fit into? INFP, ENFT, et cetera…

Did a take a test to figure this out? Why yes, yes I did. ISFP-T, or Adventurer is what I got for Archer.

Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it?

He sure does, but he doesn’t really know what it is. He mostly just thinks he’s going literally insane. It’s a pretty big reason for him not sticking around people very much even though he craves affection.

Are they good at handling change in their life?

No not really, Archer has a hard time, now more than ever trying to keep his simple life together, he’d prefer it not change as much as possible.

Is your OC a martyr?

He tries pretty hard not to be, or at least to not show that he is. He sees the truth though.

Does your OC make a lot of excuses? For themselves? Others?

Archer is pretty straight forward, if he fucked up he’ll say something. But he’ll make things up for others if he like them enough.

Does your OC compromise easily? Too easily?

I guess it depends? If its not something that matters very much, compromise will be easier, but if he thinks it’s important then he’s going to be harder to bargain with.

Does your OC put others’ needs before their own?

Only his dogs and his friends needs get put before his own. Anyone else? so sorry.

Does your OC have any addictions? If so and problematic, have they admitted it to themselves?

He’s addicted to taking in animals? Seems harmless, but in truth he does it so he has a reason to keep living, which isn’t healthy. I can’t say he’d still be alive if he hadn’t taken Ranger and Fletcher with him the day those raiders killed the rest of his dogs. 

Does your OC have any phobias? If so, where did they come from?

He’s terrified of needles. Thanks mom and dad.

Is your character empathetic?

He is, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to care.

Is your character observant?

Yes, very. Probably because he works with animals a lot, and its very important to notice their body language, so he can read people and situations pretty well. Plus he’s more of a sniper so being observant is important.

What’s one of your OC’s proudest moments of themselves?

He was really proud when he finished building his house, and all the furniture for it.  

Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do?

He doesn’t get jealous very easily, but even when he does he doesn’t bring it up. He’ll sulk around a bit, and when asked he’ll say he fine. He wont really feel bad about if? Its just an emotion, it happens sometimes.

What instantly irritates them or puts them in a bad mood?

Seeing people hurt animals for no reason. He will throw down. Might not win, but its the thought that counts.

Are they harsh on themselves?

YES.

Do they make excuses often?

Nah he’s pretty fast to admit when he’s doing something wrong.

Is your OC intended to be found generally attractive? Unattractive? Average? Is there a reason why?

I mean i didn’t make him like super ugly? But i wasn’t going for amazingly attractive either, so average i guess?

Does your OC place much importance on their appearance? Do they feel confident in it?

He wears a mask all the time so he really doesn’t care. I mean at one point he had tore most of his hair out and just had a few scattered clumps clinging to his head, but people couldn’t see his face so it didn’t matter to him.

What are some of your OC’s biggest personal obstacles? This could be emotional, physical, social… Are they aware of it? Are they trying to overcome it?

He got some damn big emotional problems, and he recognizes some, like his slowly diminishing will to live. But things like his urge to have someone else control his entire existence he doesn’t really realize are problems. 

Do they believe you have to give respect to get it, or get respect to give it?

Everyone starts off with a set amount of respect. You either get more or have it taken away depending on your actions.

Is your OC considered funny? Do they believe they’re funny?

Arch can be pretty funny, if he has anything its a sense of humor.

Does your OC find any “bad” or “mean” humor funny? Do they wish they didn’t?

Yeah he does, what can you do. No guilt will stop him.

Do they have a large or small group of friends?

He has two dogs and sometimes he works with a stinky man. He thinks Gage is a friend but does Gage think he is a friend? Who knows if Gage will ever tell him.

Do they have people they are genuinely honest with about themselves?

....His dogs?

Does your OC enjoy social events, such as parties, clubs, et cetera..?

He likes talking to people, but if there are too many people around he gets overwhelmed pretty fast.

Does your OC like to be the center of attention or more in the mix?

More in the mix, he gets anxious.

Do they consider themselves superior or more important than anyone else? Lesser?

Arch considers himself less important then most people, thats mental illness babey. 

Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?

He’d throw everything to the wind for his dogs. Sorry friends, but they’ve helped him through too much.

Do they believe people change over time? If so, is it a natural process or does it take effort?

Well he knows that he has changed a lot, so why not other people too?

How religious is your OC? What do they practice, if anything? If they don’t associate with any religion, what do they think of religion in general?

When he was in the Mojave, Joshua taught him about Mormonism, but he didn’t really understand. He remembers some stuff, but after he left he didn’t try to keep up with practicing it. 

Do they believe in an afterlife?

It’s not something he takes time to think about really. That kid of a ‘ill cross that bridge when i get there’ type thing

Would they like to be immortal? Why, why not? If they are immortal, would they rather not be?

He would definitely not like that. He can barely manage his mental health as it is.

Would you say that your OC is intelligent? In what ways? Would your OC agree?

Smart when it comes to plants and animals, just about everything else? Not so smart.

How many languages do they speak?

Speaks exactly one(1) language.

Do they enjoy learning? Do they actively seek out sources of self-education?

He likes learning things, its just getting that knowledge to stick in his head that’s a problem. He doesn’t really seak out knowledge but if he has the chance to ask about things he will.

What sort of home do they live in now, if at all? How did they end up there?

Its just a little shack like building, but he built it and he’s proud.

What’s their ideal home look like? Where is it?

A big ol’ farm house, lots of room for lots of dogs/friends

Could they ever live in a “tiny home”?

I dont think so, but it’d be funny as hell.

How handy are they? Can they fix appliances, cars, cabinets, et cetera?

He can fix simple things, cabinets, chairs, dressers. Nothing too much more advanced than that.

How much do they work? What do they do? Do they enjoy it?

He works really all the time. From when he wakes up to when he goes to bed. He basically runs a mini zoo by himself, its a lot of work but he loves it.

How often are they home?

Pretty often, he has animals to take care of.

Are they homebodies and enjoy being home?

Not really, he likes being out and about.

Do they engage in any of the arts? How good do you intend them to be? Would they agree they are?

Archer is actually pretty musically inclined, he’d never admit it though. You might be able to catch him singing to his dogs, if you're lucky.

Would they enjoy a theme park?

Maybe if he could somehow go when there aren’t any people there. That might sill be pushing it. He gets overwhelmed easily.

Is your OC close to their family?

Nope.

Who makes up your OC’s family, at least the more important members to them?

He only ever knew his mom and his dad. If there was anyone else in his family he never met them.

Does your OC find their family supportive? If not, what would be an example why not?

Nah he really doesn’t think they’re supportive of him. They definitely wanted him dead.

What kind of childhood did your OC have?

:)

Did they go through any typical phases growing up?

He went through a lot of things, but never got the chance to be emo.

What is your OC’s orientation, romantic and/or sexual? Has it ever been a source of stress for them? Have they always been pretty sure of their orientation?

I know i said he was strictly gay yesterday but im thinking he’d actually probably be Pan and he’d just lean towards more masculine partners. He hasn’t really thought about his sexuality so he’s never had a reason to be stressed over it.

Is your OC a thoughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover?

Any space in his mind that was supposed to be used for math and literacy etc. is now storage space for little facts about the people he cares about. He will remember. Oh you said you thought this flower was pretty six an half years ago in passing and i found one so i thought id bring it back for you.

Does your OC believe there’s only one ideal partner (or multiple ideal if not monogamous) for everyone, or that there are many people who could be right?

Probably that there are multiple people who could be right.

Does your OC believe in love in first sight?

He barely even knows what love is, really.

Does your OC believe in marriage (or their culture’s equivalent)?

He doesn’t really understand the point of it but if his S/O wanted it, he’d agree.

Has your OC ever cheated on anyone or been cheated on?

Nope :)

What’s your OC’s idea of a perfect date?

Climb to a really high place, lil picnic, watch the sun set, (maybe hold hands?) look at the stars.

What are some things that your OC finds to be an instant turn-off in potential partners?

Not liking animals. They’re literally his entire life, you cant be with him and not like animals.

What are their favorite kinds of flavors– Sweet, salty, sour, spicy, creamy, et cetera?

Umami. But he’ll literally eat anything, especially if he’s desperate.

Are they vegan/vegetarian (if their overall culture/species generally aren’t)? If so, why? Do they think animal products are wrong in all circumstances?

He doesn’t really eat a lot of meat cause he wants to hurt as few animals as possible. He uses most of the meat he hunts for his animals, and only eats it when there is nothing else, or if there’s the possibility of it going to waste.

How often do they cook? Do they order out a lot?

He cooks pretty often, that being said do NOT eat what he makes! I dont know how he is still alive!

Could they eat the same thing they enjoy over and over and not get bored of it quickly?

Yep, in fact that's basically what he does already. Food is food babey.

Did you create the character to be like yourself, did they end up being like yourself, or are they very different from you?

Archer wasn’t ever supposed to be like me, and he’s not really, which i think is a good thing?

Would you hang out with your OC if you could?

Yes he needs hugs and I will provide.

What’s the longest you’ve had an OC for?

I’ve technically had Archer for 5 years thats a long time :)

[struwwelzeter]

Why do you think Richard would be a nightmare client please? And do you think Till would be one too?

Oh, because he’s hands down the person that goes «It doesn’t feel right, this is not what I asked for ☹️» and then can’t tell me why in a way that I can fix it.

So, I’m gonna elaborate on that because it does tie into the Zoran thing and I am in the mood to blab about my work. Sorry, this got long. I’m a graphic designer/art director, aka the person that makes logos and designs event posters and such. I mainly work in culture (museums/exhibitions) at the moment, but I have done a few record packagings in the past and musicians generally are the worst clients, followed only by painters/sculpturers/other artiststs. It’s understandable and not really their fault and they are precious babies that need to be protected at all costs, but oh man.

The thing is, someone who just poured their heart and soul and failed relationships and personal nightmares into a record for the past 5 years and now needs a cover for it has a completely different level of investment into how things should be than let’s say a dentist who needs a new logo. They often have a very, very strong idea about how things should be but can’t at all articulate it because it’s so deep set into their soul and if they could articulate it they wouldn’t be coming to me in the first place, they’d just do it themselves. We all know Richie is a little control freak that needs things to be just so, and that’s just a very tough crowd to please because a design school education doesn’t come with a manual on how to read minds, particularly ones that don’t even know what they want.

If someone like that comes to me, I know I’ll be working unpaid overtime. I’d always make sure to give him a few extra (small, like a changed font or different color) variants even if that’s not part of the agreed upon comission (usually I’d bill more the more variants I offer to choose from) to reassure him there’s still alot of options we haven’t tried yet and to make him feel in control and show that I’ll try whatever I can to make it right. I’d try to talk to him more than other clients and get him to talk about stuff he visually likes more to get an idea about what exactly he means if he says stuff like «I want it to look clean» because surprise, surprise, not everyone means the same when they say that they just think they do. I’d probably make more time for revisions because we’ll need them, I’d have him come over for an afternoon and work with him live, infront of my monitor to test different things and see what speaks to him.

This is broad generalisation, but: The thing is, if I have an investment banker come in and ask for all that extra service, I’d be able to bill every last second of that and the dude wouldn’t feel ripped off. With artists you can’t do that. They’re used to creativity being something you can’t measure that way, they’re used to work themselves with very little monetary compensation for what they do (even someone as successful as Richard feels that. There is interview evidence.) They will feel like things become morally compromised when every tiny little thing I do becomes a question of budget first. They’ll feel taken advantage off alot quicker. That’s why especially with clients like this, you respect budgets out of principle. Mainly because the average musician or photographer isn’t a multi platinum selling big shot, but also because they’re sensitive about it morally. Being a designer is weird because artist people will see you as one of them, and business people will too, and you better be able to wear both hats. In other words, with artists, as a general blanket statement, I’ll take alot more shit and a lot less pay to get to the end of it if I want the thing to work out. That’s the nightmare part because walking on eggshells isn’t fun.

The fun bit is the part where you manage to bring someone’s heart out in the open and make it visible. One of my first paied projects was an editorial piece for a fashion designer. It was everything I described above, but when we nailed it she sat crying next to my desk. You can’t measure that shit in money anyway. I remember Richard saying in an interview that the title A Million Degrees came up while he was working with the graphic designer on it, and that, that right there is what you’re shooting for. You’ll want to help someone express themselves. It’s beautiful, pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. AMD was designed by Dirk Rudolph, one of the indusyry greats and who’s worked with him for years. I’m not surprised it worked out that way.

The point is, offering creative work as a service takes a truckload of empathy. Nobody talks about this when you start art school, but it’s one of the most empathetic and human connection based professions out there if you want to do it really well. You need to know and understand who you’re working with. The job is to make somone elses vision look it’s absolute best and shine and speak to the people it’s intended to speak to in the way the creator has invisioned it. That’s a big, big ask. You’re always translating in languages only one person speaks.

The problem is, that most of the people who became creators are pushed into offering it as a service for monetary/capitalism reasons and they want their own ego in it too because they never signed up for this shit where you give up your own vision and make it all about someone elses. It sucks and it’s unfair, because someone like Zoran would be worlds better and happier if he could just do whatever he pleases. He can’t tho, because he’s selling a service, and someone who buys a service expects a service. And that’s the part that always leads to problems, unless the chemistry works out really well. It bothers me a little when I see it happen like that tho. Because he basically says «forget about what we agreed, here’s MY thing.» and that’s just ... I don’t know, it’s just very much against my own work ethic I guess.

As far as Till goes, I think he’s pretty excitable and easy to please because he’ll just enjoy seeing it come to life. I also think that with someone like Zoran who he considers a friend he’ll be “whatever” about money, because he can afford it and probably doesn’t feel it’s worth quarreling over. Freedom, etc. Lucky as hell landing a client like that.

[liamoftheirish]

Task 24 - OOC About Your Character

1.     What do you want to get out of playing this character(s)?

To see him and his story develop, especially with relationships. 

2.     Describe your character(s) with three words.

Strong, fierce, caring.

3.     What made you decide to write this muse?

Liam was my first muse in this game, and I always wanted to play someone that went against typical fantasies of wealth and power, instead someone simple-life oriented, quiet, reserved, cold who could develop into something more if unlocked.

4.     If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?

Nothing really, everything is carefully crafted to put Liam in the mindset he needs to be in; I already re-wrote his history when I left the game and came back, to flesh him out better. 

5.     If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

Don’t be afraid to open up and love again.

6.     If you could give your muse one gift, what would you give them?

He’s not very sentimental or materialistic, but if possible, maybe one more day with his wife that would let him get closure. 

7.     If you had to take one positive thing away from your muse, what would you take away?

His unwavering conviction: He has his beliefs, he has his loyalties, and those don’t stray, and it’s an admirable trait to have a strong conviction that you don’t let falter. 

8.     If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?  

His confidence in himself and his beliefs, to not care so much what others think.

9.     Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?

I would love Liam to be happy, I thought there was a chance at first, but that fell off; since then, it seems the options are there, but it’s on him to be more open to allow for it. Clearly the man has lived a violent, angry, and lonely life, one that he created himself because of his nature. He hasn’t allowed himself to love since his wife passed (by his hands in a blood rage), and he hasn’t allowed himself to love again. There’s been a few that have nearly unlocked that, but it’s not until he allows himself to admit it and forgive himself, that he’ll ever be truly happy.

10. Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?

I do, even if he doesn’t seem ‘angsty’, fact is stuff bothers him inwardly and he worries. He just doesn’t like to show weakness or too many sides to himself. He has been more open, and recently been questioning some of his actions. Hurting him the most would be him harming someone he cares deeply about.

11. What do you love about your muse?

His confidence, and again, his unwavering conviction. His simple-life mindset is also something I greatly appreciate.

12. What do you hate about your muse?

His coldness and closed off mindset.

13. What about your muse amuses you?

The fact that pop-culture references just go flying over his head, because he just does not care a thing about film or TV.

14. What about your muse makes you sad?

The fact that he feels so lonely despite his friends. 

15. How would you describe your muse to someone about to meet them, in person, for the first time?

He’ll be cold, distant, a bit stand offish. May be a bit intimidating, and maybe a bit too matter-of-fact in speaking, seems to lack any real filter. If you can accept that and work past it, he’s a good friend to have though.

16. Would you like your muse as a person if you met them in real life?

Probably, but it’d be hard for me to feel comfortable to call him a friend; I’d be pretty intimidated around him until I got to know him.

17. In what ways are you better than your muse? In what ways are they better than you?

I’m more open, empathetic, able to befriend people easier, but Liam has a confidence and conviction that I lack and wish I had. I wish I could care less about what people think of me, and be more confident in who and what I am.

18. Why do you think you connect to your muse?

We both care deeply about people we love, we’re both a bit quieter, and both of us aren’t the most social of butterflies; while Liam would prefer to sit at home wood working and working on cars, I’d more than happily sit at home and write or watch movies.

19. What aspect of your muse’s personality is most important to you? What aspect of your muse’s personality do you think is most important to them? Is it the same? Why or why not?

Again, it’s his pure and unwavering confidence and conviction. I think that probably is the same with Liam as well, holding onto his identity is so invaluable to him, because if he loses that he’ll lose control and that’s when he’ll slip back into what he used to be. He struggles with the fact that he’s a violent, insatiable killer, but at the same time has compassion for life and doesn’t WANT to just attack and kill. And he has to make sure he accepts that aspect of him, of what he WANTS to be, so he can balance that against what he can be. His confidence and conviction helps maintain that balance.

20. Has your character(s) changed over the time that you have been playing them? How have they changed?

While Liam’s fundamentals, his rules to live by and moral convictions have mostly stayed the same. He has slowly opened up more, been more open to listen and talk with people; though, he doesn’t often talk about himself, he can let a bit of his past slip in here or there. He’s learned to not look at others as potential enemies or victims, but instead daring to call some of them friends. He’s able to laugh more, joke more, hopefully someone’s willing to push that to the next level someday.

About You!

1.     What is your name?

Matt

2.     What is your profession?

Beer and Wine Steward

3.     What do you do to relax?

Listen to music, write, watch films, play video games.

4.     What is your favorite treat (desert)?

Ice Cream on fresh-baked brownie/cookie with fudge dripped over it all.

5.     Favorite movie -

I’m a massive film buff, so almost every movie is a favorite to me in some fashion. I adore Star Wars for several reasons, not all of them good. Maybe my favorite movie is probably a toss up between The Big Lebowski or No Country for Old Men, any film with incredible dialogue really. But then I also absolutely love beautiful BS like the MCU films and got shivers during the Portals scene in Endgame, so yea... no idea really.

6.     Favorite book -

Currently: The Immortal Irishman - Timothy Egan (This needs to be made into a movie)

7.     Favorite vacation spot -

My favorite vacation I ever went on is a toss up between trip with friends to Portland for a wedding, and Chicago for Star Wars Celebration, but I’ve always wanted to visit Ireland. I intend to try next year.

8.     Favorite Disney movie -

The Lion King (I’m basic bitch like that, don’t at me.)

9.     How did you first get into role playing?

I started playing back when I was around 13 or 14, back on AOL, playing a Jedi in a D&D like setting... because that’s what I knew. People were accepting of it, and it was some of the greatest experience. I love story telling. 

10. What was your first platform? If it was something other than Tumblr, what made you get into Tumblr?

AOL. And why Tumblr? AOL moved to Greatest Journal, which died, and moved to Insane Journal, and I met a girl there who told me about Tumblr RP, which I said ‘that sounds stupid’... and now I’m here. So there’s that. I still really don’t know what I’m doing half the time on Tumblr, no idea how to discover games on this platform, lol.

11. What’s a grammar rule you find yourself breaking or ignoring a lot?

100% it’s tenses. Past/present, I just write how I talk and it’s bad writing, I know. I will also simultaneously explain way too much in depth, and other times get ridiculously lazy writing in-depth.

12. Are there any languages besides English in which you think you could comfortably roleplay?

Just English. I’ve tried to learn other languages, but for whatever reason it’s very hard for me to wrap my mind around sentence structure and grammar rules in other languages.

13. Do you listen to music while your write?

Depends. If it’s just basic writing, an easy-going scene, probably not? I can get distracted from time to time; however, if I’m trying to get into a specific mood most definitely. Or if I feel a scene is heading somewhere that needs a good soundtrack? I’m a sucker for soundtracks in film, and music can really drive my mood (which is why it can be a distraction). And sometimes I write a scene specifically because I was hearing music that put me in that mood.

14. Are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer?

Evening. Which is why changing positions at work will help me, when I start working more during the day. When I work at night it’s hard for me to get up and get going enough in the morning to write. 

15. How does tiredness affect your writing?

Do you know how many times I write something exhausted, and when I come back to read it I absolutely hate it? It affecs me greatly...

16. What is your biggest obstacle to writing every day, if time doesn’t count?

Motivation, mood. I’m up and down in my moods, and sometimes I’m feeling down, exhausted, both, or sometimes I just feel inadequate in my writing and hate writing because I judge my abilities and suddenly don’t want to write. 

17. How many drafts is a paralyzing amount?

None? It’s more my mood and how far I get behind that’s paralyzing, but when I’m not feeling down or depressed, I’m in a normal mood or a great mood, I can write 30 threads in a single sitting and not miss a beat. I’m sure others can attest to how far I can turn around a reply when I’m on my game. (probably annoyingly).

18. Is there anything character-wise or writing style-wise that you can’t stand?

It’s probably Godmodding, it takes away from the fun of writing WITH people if you’re trying to control their actions.

19. What kind of anonymous questions are your favorite?

Things that make me think about my character, or have my character think. Things that make me really develop my character’s mind.

20. What is your weakest point in writing? Angst, fluff, dialogue, etc.?

I love dialogue in film, so maybe it’s a bit ironic that writing dialogue can easily be an achilles heel for me. It’s hard for me to write fluff or small talk, because I’ve personally never been very good at small talk, and focusing that in my writing is difficult. Fluff is kind of the same way, because it’s all romantic and cheesy and really? I feel a bit embarrassed when writing it. Though that’s more or less for some characters more than others. Murad I can get a bit more fluffy and small talky because I can be outwardly weird with him, where as Liam... his quiet reserve and demeanor make those difficult.

[lily-of-the-eyrie]

🎓🔍 Scene Commentary: Colonel Edition ①

Welcome to the first in a series of posts about taking a closer look at the Colonel’s scenes, in which I’ll be analyzing all the sections in which he appeared to:

get a clearer idea of his character, and 

maybe squeeze just a liiittle more content for HCs etc.

For this post, I’ll be doing Sequence 3-1 “The Color of Right”. As you can expect from the Colonel’s first appearance, this scene’s straight up packed with key details about his character—I’m talking mannerisms, value systems, ideals, and more. 

Highlights! 　❗️The Colonel’s Negotiation Skills 　❗️The Colonel & Templar Beliefs

I’m essentially writing out my thoughts on what’s happening on screen as they go, so I highly recommend keeping a Rogue playthrough open in another tab for maximum clarity. 

🌟 Thanks to the-colonel-who-cares for assisting with the beta reading! 

This post has a lot of text and a lot of screenshots, so the rest of it goes under the cut.

[SQ3-1] The Color of Right

— Part I: First Meeting — Shay took down the gang members in the Greenwich HQ, and met the Colonel for the first time.

　The scene opens with Prosperity and Decay, an ominous and rather foreboding track which does a great job at underlining this scene's uneasy calm and tense undercurrent. Although Shay's opinion of the Colonel, whom he just met, did get better towards the end of the segment, at the beginning he's still very much unsure of what to make of the man.

　We start with Shay feeling alert and suspicious: upon noticing the Colonel, he narrows his eyes at him and his hand goes straight to his pistol. It's pretty clear at this point that he's not going to be instantly cooperative.

　Now the first thing the Colonel does to deal with this is raise his hands, which, together with his telling Shay to be at ease, and that they're friends (promptly name-dropping the Finnegans to make sure that his point gets through quickly), says something very, very clearly―"I'm NOT your enemy". Then, and only then, does he introduce himself.

　The Colonel follows up by thanking Shay for taking down the criminals, but Shay's first and almost reflexive response to this show of gratitude is, surprisingly, contempt. He combatively, condescendingly questions the sincerity of the Colonel's concern. Watch his tone and body language as he spits on the very idea that the Colonel could even actually feel anything about the city and its people. The way he blinks and throws out his arms questioningly before saying "What do you care?", and the contemptuous tone with which he says that line, is absolutely dripping with poison.

　And in this moment, we catch a glimpse of Shay’s infamous troublemaker side. Here he is, raring to go—a commoner challenging not just any redcoat, but a goddamn British military officer right in his face. This is the Shay that gets into bar brawls, the one who can't stay out of fights for long; this is the Shay who has zero innate respect for authority, and this is the Shay who can and will fearlessly call bullshit on anybody, even his "social betters", if he thinks they deserve it.

　Now to be fair to Shay, he’s not just looking for trouble out of boredom. We know there’s no love lost between him and the redcoats, judging by how he treats them from the very first scene. They were his enemies, plain and simple.

　However, in the wider scope of things, his behaviour isn’t anything particularly unusual—historically speaking, during the period Rogue is set in, there's a lot of tension going on between the Irish and the British, since the latter is pretty much on an all-out bender to subjugate the former. Needless to say, this creates a lot of bad blood between the two sides, so Shay’s reaction, while quite aggressive, isn’t really out of place considering the social mood of the time. 

　But one thing is clear―Shay is straight up looking for a fight, and he was no pushover; he's totally ready to back up his fighting words with an actual fight. He would have no qualms (and might even rather enjoy) socking a redcoat in the face...or worse. Their shared acquaintance of the Finnegans is probably the only thing that reined him in for now, and had that the risk of causing his caretakers further trouble not been on his mind (he certainly seemed to have momentarily forgotten it when he taunted the Colonel). Hell, he might've even thought of roughing him up. I mean, he's a trained Assassin―he's got good reason to believe that he could 100% beat the stuffing out of this guy AND escape afterwards. 

　Now watch the Colonel totally avoid falling in line with Shay's predictions by simply not fighting back. Normally, you'd expect any other redcoat, common soldier or otherwise, to whack Shay right across the face to teach the rude, uppity brat a lesson. And he’d have a pretty strong case in his defense too, since it was undeniably Shay who "started it". 

　But here's the point: the Colonel isn't just any other redcoat. Not only did he accept Shay's pointed accusation (which would've been doubly hurtful if he did truly care about the townspeople), he did so with grace; you don't see him squirm, you don't see him trying to deny or make excuses for his colleagues' behaviour. Neither did he get defensive and try to justify their wrongs. "Not getting reactive" seems like a simple action, but it suggests the presence of a significant amount of self-control―and, in extension, control over the situation. He didn't get angry, or violent, or emotional, which would surely have led to a confrontation where everything spins out of control and would surely end with one of them bleeding out on the ground; instead, he was able to keep Shay talking, and also gain a foothold in the argument by introducing the idea, the possibility, to Shay that whatever "the redcoats" had done, this redcoat in front of him intends to do differently. 

　Of course, Shay's not stupid or gullible, so he doesn't immediately trust this weird fellow who had not only completely circumvented his open invitation to a fisticuff, but also actually continued to try converse with him to boot. As far as he's concerned, the logic of "redcoats=bad people=enemies", an observation doubtless fed by years of experience that agreed with that statement, still held strong. Even so, the Colonel managed to get Shay, who is suspicious as heck and obviously not a big fan of anyone with his profession, to at least let him try to prove himself different.

　Okay, now let's take a look at the Colonel's side of the conversation, which plays like a masterclass in conflict resolution. After explaining who he was to take the edge off Shay's defensive stance, and taking the brunt of Shay's scorn head on afterwards, we see him accepting the fact that yes, a lot of his comrades have indeed "been less than helpful", and it can't be helped that Shay feels animosity towards him. 

　Now look at his body language here―he averts his eyes when speaking of his less compassionate colleagues, and his talking speed noticeably drops, like he's looking for the right words to say. Shit, I'd even go as far as saying he looks visibly sad about this―watch his eyes, the crease in his eyebrows. But far from being a sign of refusing to look at the unfortunate truth, this comes across as a very empathetic gesture―it's less "yeah, I guess so...I guess //shrug" and more of a "yeah, I know―what a shame, isn't it?" The slight, almost imperceptible nod at the end of it just seals the deal―this is the Colonel telling Shay that he isn't about to run away from the charges Shay had brought up against him. 

　But he wasn't just going to take it all sitting down, and not do anything about this injustice whose existence he just told Shay he's well aware of―he will, he tells Shay, take a different approach. If his comrades are going to abuse their authority and mistreat the common people, he claims, then he won't do the same thing. Now clearly this isn't something Shay hears very often, much less think possible, so naturally he's rather suspicious of the Colonel's intentions. His first instinct would've been that if this guy isn't in it as a "landlord", oppressing the townsfolk for his own gains, then well, he's probably after something else just as selfish. So this is where the Colonel's words again pulled the rug right out from under his feet, because, going entirely in the opposite direction, the object of his suspicion instead said the most selfless thing―that he cared for the welfare of the citizens.

　Okay, here comes the most important line in the Colonel's primary characterization. Questioned on his motivations by Shay, who doubtless wondered why the Colonel would take the trouble of going against the party line (a thing that Shay, who freshly broke away from his Brotherhood doing just that, may even have a personal interest in knowing), he answered:

"I care."

　First, let's talk about the delivery of this line (or, well, phrase) itself. It's short, it's sweet, it gets straight to the point―in two words, the Colonel posits that he does what he does out of a highly personal sense of duty to look after the people, plain and simple. It's only after a pause to let this sink in that he elaborates on the statement by saying he wants safety and prosperity for New York's citizens, but even then it's all very bare-bones, and its straightforwardness is supported by his tone, which sounds like the very embodiment of someone saying something just like that―no stumbling, no doubt, no hesitation. With no flourish to it, it doesn't look like he's trying to make a show of flexing his moral muscles here, either. He answered Shay's grilling with an answer that rings like a simple truth, and that gives the line the impact it needed to make an impression on the still suspicious Shay.

　Now let's look at the gestures: speaking of his wishes for New York's welfare, he throws his gaze down the street and lightly spreads his arms, motioning to the city as a whole. That, and his following expression, gives him a very vulnerable air. He'd stated his thoughts on the issue, and laid them out for Shay to judge. These are the actions of a man who has nothing to hide, and the effect is instantaneous―Shay still hasn't been completely won over, but there's a considerable drop in the combativeness of his behaviour from that point onwards, and he's now more open to the idea of keeping up a conversation with the Colonel.

　With Shay still skeptical but more importantly somewhat calmed down, the Colonel now has a fighting chance in trying to get Shay to at least allow him the opportunity of proving his sincerity.

❗️The Colonel’s Negotiation Skills

　 The Colonel’s methods here reminded me of crisis/hostage negotiation techniques, which generally places a huge emphasis on staying calm, building rapport with an uncooperative/emotionally wrought individual, and working on convincing the other guy that they can trust you enough to help them resolve the situation in a less destructive way. Of course, their first encounter is more of a standard argument between two parties who are supposed to have a lot of mutual antagonism than a hostage situation, but I did find it interesting that one key phrase that comes up a lot in the context of such negotiations is that the ideal resolution to the conflict is gaining what they call “voluntary compliance”—that is, getting someone to do what you want them to do without forcing them into it—from the target. I’m sure the Colonel most likely didn’t have any formal training in that craft, but the idea that you can actually codify what you need to do to win someone’s trust does add a more sinister sheen to his intentions. 

　On my end, I think the Colonel’s being honest with a lot of things here, and professional negotiators do tend to stress that their techniques need some actual sympathy from their end in order to work at all, but for people who want to write an unapologetically manipulative Colonel, I think it’s a interesting topic to look into. 

― Part II: Freedom From Want ―

　The Colonel attempts to prove his "noble words" immediately by putting them into practice, and instructs Shay to use the gang's stolen funds to renovate an old church in the city.

　The Colonel says what's on Shay's mind, impressing upon the still wary man that he understands what going through his mind―that Shay has no reason to trust him yet. Shay's reply this time is decidedly tame; he's no longer spitting bile by default. Instead, he now asks for more elaboration on the common ground the Colonel introduced earlier: their shared friendship with the Finnegans, whom we know Shay thinks of dearly.

　The Colonel states that his relationship with the Finnegans is tied to the fact that their late son was a subordinate of his. He further extends the common ground by saying that Shay's "much like him", drawing a straight parallel between the two men. Now, you don't make a comment like that unless you expect the other guy to ask why you said that, which is exactly what Shay does next. This can be a normal conversation...or it could be the Colonel deliberately reeling Shay further into that common ground to build a connection. Is this just friendly talk that naturally evolved from Shay's question about the Finnegans? Or is it a calculated move by the Colonel to draw Shay into trusting him more? Or is the Colonel honestly reminiscing about the past, slightly shaken after being caught totally unaware by the fact that the Finnegans had decided to give Shay his late protégé's robes? You decide ;^)

　The Colonel then elaborates on the late Finnegan Jr, painting the picture of a saint―a young man who had cared about the townsfolk, who had wanted to "do good by the people", and wanted to make the world a better place. Now all these are good things, and only it would take quite a disagreeable personality to shit on that at this point. But this isn't just about Finnegan Jr.; by stating outright that all this was a dream both Finnegan Jr. and himself shared, intentionally or not, he's essentially also painting himself in the same light. He might’ve planned that, or he might not, but Shay would likely feel that the Colonel’s a more agreeable person given that he shows great appreciation for the charitable spirit of people like Finnegan Jr.

　Next, here comes the Freedom of Want line. It's really important, so I'll tack the whole thing here:

"Mere survival is not enough. Full bellies, warm clothing... Freedom from want is the greatest freedom of all."

　There are two things I want to talk about when it comes to this line. The first is the nature of benevolence in these lines, and the target of that benevolence. Now, the Colonel made it absolutely clear from the get-go that he isn't concerned only for the wellbeing of what we might call the “important people” (a.k.a. the higher social class, the “somebodies” of society), but all the citizens of the city―this includes the absolute poorest members of the society, who would most likely long for this "freedom from want". Speaking of that freedom from want, how did he define it? He outlines it as having "full bellies, warm clothing"―he's talking about the right to a comfortable life, to the basics of not just barely surviving, but of a life worth living on a physical, biological level. Now this is important because, aside from having a very humanitarian angle to it, it will strike Shay in a raw spot―Shay, who spent his childhood in a harsh environment, who's got a lot of brushes with poverty, reeling from one tavern to the next, feeling like he was never taken care of by anyone. And it's a strong callback to Shay's first accusation to the Colonel―that he was no different from a landlord wringing his poor tenants dry while said tenants are breaking their backs trying to earn just enough to not die of hunger in the streets. 

　The second thing is, of course, the obvious jab at the Assassins―I don't think anyone would deny that the Colonel is a Templar through and through, and, looking for all the world like he'd known and fought Assassins for a long time, he likely already knows their arguments about the concept of freedom by heart. Given that he's likely very much aware of the importance of the word "freedom" to the Assassins, and also that he knows that Shay's one of them, it's highly possible that the Colonel picked his words very deliberately for this line. But I would argue that it's not malicious; I don't think he's sassing the Assassins' ideals here, because he never seems to be the kind of man who indulges in petty sarcasm like that (although whatever he thinks the Assassin brand of freedom is, he very likely disagrees with it, or at least figured the Templar take on it is preferable). What I'd say he's trying to do here is introducing a different sort of freedom―one that he hopes Shay could get behind.

[PS. On a side note, “freedom from want” is recognizably one of the Four Freedoms, which can be rephrased as a “right to an adequate standard of living”. I wonder if it’s a reference... In any case, I just want to say that trying to figure out why this seems to be a topic of personal importance to the Colonel is a great way to start working on his backstory.]

　Shay's sarcastic side then comes out again as he prods the Colonel about his goodwill. On one hand, it's just Shay being Shay―giving people playful grief is just a part of his personality. Under the surface though, we see him buying more and more into the idea presented by the Colonel: when they first talked, Shay ridiculed that very same goodwill, acting as if it's only common sense that it doesn't really exist, but at this point he's like, hey, idk, maybe it could be real this time? You can see him get more comfortable around the Colonel; whatever techniques the Colonel's employing to get on Shay’s good side, it's clearly working.

　Now let's see how the Colonel takes issue with Shay's idea that the relationship between the Colonel and the citizens is that of the governor and the governed. One interesting point here is that Shay is still talking to the Colonel like he's "the British Government", not an individual in his own right. Shay is still subconsciously conflating the Colonel's actions with his party's actions, and this is where it gets very interesting―the Colonel staunchly, flatly, even snappily, denies that claim.

　The Colonel is, generally, a very calm speaker―his tone is very stable, and he talks in a very measured manner. This makes any sudden rise in his voice very noticeable. Listen to the way he says that line:

　"I do not govern, Master Cormac. I merely assist."

　He's clearly put off by Shay's words; compared to his previous line, there's an obvious change in volume and force in his denial, and his voice only returns to normal at the back half of that line. Now I don't know about you, but the speed at which he shot back makes that part sound...unscripted. That's either top-grade acting, or the Colonel’s instinctive response to Shay stepping on his tail.

　As for why this caught my eye, I think it's interesting on two levels―on a personal level as a hint to what the Colonel thinks of his own role in society, and on a grander level as a reference to the position of the Templar Order in the world as an organization.

　Starting with the first one, if the Colonel did in fact shoot this line back reflexively, that's a huge hint to his personality. It's interesting because it's a rejection―he claims to not be a "governor", someone who rules over others and calls the shots only expecting his subjects to obey, but an "assistant", who is here to help others along. By the way he said this line, he might have even viewed this distinction with pride.

　On the greater scale, this line can also take on a shady note to it because "assisting, not governing" is very much in line with the Templar Order's overarching strategy ever since the time of the Borgias (AC:Revelations’s Abstergo Files are a good read for more on this).

　As such, there's a lot of complexity in how we can interpret this bit. Is the Colonel just calling back to his party stance? Or is he, through the actions he carries out, trying to write his own version of how to execute this Templar strategy, in direct opposition to how most of his other comrades (read: ye standard-issue villainous Templar) interpret it? Does he take this line to mean really "helping people out and guiding them to greatness", not just "manipulating them like pawns as part of your personal agenda"? The striking difference here, and whether one believes the gap exists or not, is pretty much what sets him apart from the generic Templar.

　Next, they arrive at the dilapidated church. Watch his phrasing here:

　”We can make it better."

　See how quickly he reels Shay in as part of the team, not an outsider. It might feel a bit sudden given they literally just met, but it’s definitely a good line for building camaraderie—it’s the Colonel quietly stressing that they’re on the same side now.

　He also mentions that urban renewal is “a new science that had already proven effective on the Continent". In addition to showing that he takes the Templars’ focus on being people of science and technological advancement seriously, this bit also gives us a look at his other interests outside his immediate occupation. And from the look of it, it's not the first time he's renovated a building; arranging for resources means that he had to organize the logistics at some prior point, and these materials needed to be sourced, paid for, transported―if you want to get really grounded, this isn't something that easily just happens without a lot of paperwork. Had he built an existing logistics network for this?

　Having fixed the church, he suddenly brings up the topic of watching over New York. Judging by Shay’s outburst of anger towards the “landlords” mismanaging the area earlier in the scene, the Colonel can probably make a educated guess that this responsibility’s something that will resonate with the man at this point.

　He ends their meeting by saying, “after all, a man needs purpose". Now, everybody knows "purpose" is an extremely important keyword in Templar ideology, so I doubt he used this word on a whim here. He's obviously trying to give Shay a sense of direction―a direction that, unsurprisingly, lines up with the Colonel's interpretation of Templar ideology.

❗️The Colonel & Templar Beliefs

　Despite its shortness, this scene does a great job at encapsulating a lot of things about the Colonel’s personality, and his particular idea of what his Order’s beliefs stand for, ie.-”doing good by the people”.

　As in any other belief system, the “true meaning” of the Order’s philosophy is likely something hotly debated among the Templars themselves, much like how various Assassins have incongruous ideas of how their Creed should be put into action (Mackandal v. Ah Tabai, Bellec v. Arno, etc. etc.). Given that the Templars are supposed to play the antagonist in the Ass Creed series, their ideology’s unethical applications inevitably tend to take center stage whenever they get mentioned, but the presence of Templars like the Colonel who register as “good” does bring up the fascinating topic of what Templar ideology looks like when exercised in a righteous way. That said, the Colonel seems to have a strong attachment to the concept of being a charitable Templar, which begs a lot of questions—how does he feel about his less-than-helpful comrades in the Order? The British Rite under Birch, or even the Templar Order in general, likely has a great proportion of dodgy figures in it—how does he deal with having to work with them? Assuming he’s not the only member of the Order who believes that a Templar has the responsibility of executing their ideology in a morally upright way, could there be factions within the Rite that are at odds with each other’s take on their shared belief system? All this would make the British Rite’s internal politics incredibly interesting to think about.

🤔 Extra: Chapter Questions

Okay, now that we’ve reached the end of the sequence, there are several unanswered questions that presumably had crossed the viewer’s mind at some point:

Q1. Why did the Colonel even let Shay live? What’s his game plan? Q2. How much did the Colonel know about Shay's personality/background? Q3. How much of this encounter is staged?

Since these questions need the whole of his cutscene discography to answer properly, I’ll do them in a later post, but they are intriguing Qs to keep in mind as we go! :^D

[kindsnob]

About my muse

[bio updated: 08/30/2019]

Name: Theodore “Ted” Huxley

Age: 5

Gender: Cis male (he/him)

Species: Human

Height: 3'6’’

Birthday: May 31

Zodiac: Gemini

Alignment: Somewhere between neutral good and true neutral

Likes: Felix, his family, being listened to, making friends, approval, music, physical affection

Dislikes: Spiders, being ignored, being underestimated, doing mean things, upsetting people

Qualities: Good at following orders, posses a lot of money, can read, empathetic, naive, trusting, determined, selfless, perceptive, capable of a lot more things than everyone gives him credit for, skilled at relative pitch, can play the ukulele, can sing, emotionally intelligent

—

cw: mentions of emotional abuse and child neglect

Kindergarten is a violent video game with a Groundhog Day-esque style of gameplay. It features many manipulative, messed up schoolchildren and staff. The protagonist repeats the same day, trying not to get killed as he does missions for different people in order to get to the bottom of his new school’s secrets. The game is gory and the children tend to talk about mature subjects such as drugs, alcoholism, murder, and can tend to be all around nasty to each other save for a few of the nicer characters. Ted is one of the latter characters, for the most part.

Ted is a non playable character who appears in the game Kindergarten 2. His name is Theodore, but prefers to go by Ted while his brother tends to call him Teddy. He is the identical twin brother of Felix, and the two brothers are both wealthy heirs to their family’s company, Applesoft. Ted is a naturally kindhearted and friendly boy despite his upbringing into a rich, detached family. He is the more neglected of the two, and is the younger twin by four minutes in my headcanon. It is mostly because he is younger and less business savvy or intelligent than Felix, that his father pays less attention to him and loves Felix more. Ted is a more emotional person, and cries easily. At least, a lot easier than his brother would. He constantly seeks approval from his father, trying his best to do things that his father would be proud of. Unfortunately, he’s been very unsuccessful so far.

He is also incredibly loyal to his brother, and loves him a lot despite the way Felix treats him too. He does what Felix tells him to, mostly without question. And he believes his brother has the best intentions for making him do those things, as well as tends to acquiesce regarding minor things like buying a burger for the player but not going along with Felix saying they should kill Ozzy, unless given more of a reason to do so. Ted loves his brother and believes that he loves him back, although he has a weird way of showing it. He respects his brother a lot and is happy to help him if it means Felix will be as proud of him as he’s proud of his brother. He even defends Felix by allowing himself to get hit by all the food in the food fight event because he knows his father would be upset if anything happened to his brother. His family is everything to him and he is supportive of all their accomplishments. If only they could feel the same for him.

He is constantly berated by his brother, always reminded of his faults and inadequacies, and compared to his ‘more competent’ twin brother by others, because of his naive nature. Felix usually has some sort of comment about Ted’s intelligence, or lack thereof, or often mentions how Ted usually screws things up and discourages him from doing what he wants to. Such as not letting Ted take off his tie on a hot day, not allowing other kids to talk to him unless it’s about business, or preventing him from speaking in general. Apparently, Ted also has a jar where he’s supposed to put nickels that Felix gives him every time he does something good. He’s never had any nickels in the jar, implying that unsurprisingly Felix doesn’t think Ted does anything good. Ted doesn’t like making his brother mad, and ends up being very compliant to win his favor. Ted usually lets all that go because Felix is his brother, so he loves him and forgives him and just wants him to be happy. It hurts, and he isn’t very confident in himself because of all of that, but he still tries his best despite it.

Ted is put into the regular class, referred to as the stupid class by Felix, while Felix is in the advanced class. He isn’t as academically inclined as Felix, but he is shown to be intelligent in other ways. He is a pretty observant child, as shown by his mission ‘The Hitman’s Potty Guard’ where he is perceptive enough to notice Ozzy’s habits of moving to the other side of the room to play with his toy, or that the bathroom stall he uses is always the left one, or that he’s allergic to green flowers, or that he always goes to science instead of gym. Ted is also an empathetic person and more emotionally intelligent than Felix is. He often feels remorse for doing bad things to people, is aware enough that Monty wouldn’t be in the mood to buy or sell stuff after he and the player ruin his day, and tries to make it up to Carla for putting gum in her hair. Felix isn’t even emotionally aware enough to notice Ted acting very off from how he normally behaves for the entire day once the player tells him about Felix’s plan in the alternate ‘Cain’s Not Able’ route. It might be because Felix just doesn’t care about him that much, or ignores him that much, but it’s clear Felix can’t recognize how obviously blunt Ted is about his feelings about the plan at that point. He is also a quick thinker, able to lie on the spot about showing the player where the forks are, in order to not arouse suspicion from Felix, even giving a fork to the player when he notices Felix watching them. He also lets the player know about the spiders in the bathroom, and knows that he would need to play along but get Buggs’ help to get back at Felix in the alternate run.

He is usually a warm, easy going kid who believes the best in his brother, tends to be quiet when other people are speaking, and contrary to the ‘snob’ part of the url, he doesn’t believe himself to be in a higher position than others just because of his status as a rich kid and heir to the Applesoft empire. This is shown when he asks the protagonist if he wants to play catch with him and his brother, while Felix protests because he doesn’t want to play with ‘street urchins,’ and Ted still wants the protagonist to join anyway. He tends to speak more colloquially than Felix, and can be excitable at times while he’s passive during others. He’s not necessarily gullible, but he is very trusting when it comes to his brother and doesn’t want to believe that Felix actually wants anything bad for Ted. Because they’re brothers and they’re supposed to love each other. Although, Ted does have the potential of being as ‘professional’ and cold just like his brother is with the change of vocabulary and the way he talks to people towards the end of the alternate ‘Cain’s Not Able’, as well as the capability of sarcasm and anger when he is pushed enough.

[redandfranticfeelings]

okay ive been wanting to make a post like this for a while but i wanted to make it an essay and i dont know if i can really organize my thoughts in that way yet, so here’s a chronological bullet-pointed dump to explain my very important thesis:

be more chill is about internalized ableism, and jeremy, michael, and christine are all highly autistic coded. this is going to be very long and detailed but only because there’s a lot of details that work very well under this lens.

there’s probably even stuff i missed but this is already extremely long so it basically just functions as a way for me to collect a bunch of details that i can piece together later in a more coherent manner.

“more than survive” in the context of jeremy being autistic works so much. the theme of wanting to be just socially acceptable enough to not burn out or be harassed is so relatable, and it visually establishes very early how jeremy is isolated from his peers due to his own awkward behavior and hypersensitivity. it’s coupled with his very obvious anxiety disorder, but the social aspect just screams autistic coding to me. i take this song to basically be “not having a meltdown is basically my goal but i would love to be neurotypical enough so i can heighten my standards and actually enjoy my social life.” some choice segments:

“if i’m not feeling weird or super strange, my life would be in utter disarray, cuz freaking out is my okay”

jeremy’s house being a mess is partly due to his dad’s serious depression, yeah, but i believe the other aspect is that jeremy’s executive dysfunction makes it just as hard to clean up in his place

he gets super anxious at the prospect of his expected routine being shaken up and having to make the decision on his own of how to get to school

“so i follow my own rules and i use them as my tools to stay alive” honestly sounds like a euphemism for autism to me

jeremy not really realizing that he’s staring at chloe

“avoiding any eye contact at all” explains itself

michael’s introduction, oh my god, every time i watch this part i just adore it. i could talk a lot more about michael’s autism later but this whole segment sells it especially.

first off, michael keeping his hood up and headphones on in a deliberate attempt to avoid social interaction and stay in his own space is such an autistic mood. even before this scene he’s constantly moving in the background to his music a la stimming. in the later performances he spends a lot more time playing with his hoodie strings and even chews on them!!

the fact he doesn’t talk to or even really look at jeremy until his song is done playing also feels very autistic to me! and the way he dances so confidently and basically pretends even his best friend isn’t there for the time being because he’s engrossed in his own passions.

michael is a great friend but it’s clear that he doesn’t really understand that his coping mechanism doesn’t really work for jeremy, and that even though michael feels confident reclaiming his identity as a ‘loser,’ jeremy doesn’t really feel any better about it. i think a lot of autistic folks, or at least i do, have this tendency to assume what works for us works for everyone around us at first due to our struggles with empathy. michael tries his best but struggles to see outside his point of view. it’s mind-blindness in action and jeremy can’t communicate why it upsets him any better than michael can pick up on it not working for him.

near the end of the song, they have a brief moment where all the ensemble crowds in around jeremy and the lights start flashing, which i interpret as a visual representation of sensory overload.

we’ll talk more about her soon, but outside of jeremy’s fantasies about her, christine also avoids social interaction during this number, constantly hiding her face in a book and avoiding eye contact just as much as jeremy. people forget that she’s not comfortable with unexpected social interaction, and that really informs my headcanon for her which brings us to....

“i love play rehearsal” is an autistic anthem. it also works, possibly even better due to in-text evidence, as an adhd anthem, but combined with the above it makes so much sense for her to be comorbid autism/adhd. i did a breakdown of the song in this context before, but i’ll sum it up here

the song showcases what having a special interest/hyperfixation is like. christine is singing to jeremy, yes, but she really seems so caught up in her own passion without much regard for how jeremy is following it, and even cuts him off from responding to her once or twice because she’s just so hyped up on her own feelings. she also basically implies her happiness is reliant on her special interest which is very relatable.

lines like “you follow a script so you know what comes next” also really sell the interpretation that christine isn’t good in unpredictable situations, and has so many identity issues and likes having something to look to where things are laid out for her. i think that stability is what a lot of autistic people look for, especially teenagers.

also with that in mind, look at how upset she gets watching a play she loves about get rewritten into something weird and new that she doesn’t know.

also gotta love how she still self-isolates before this song by focusing on her book, until she has a reason to infodump to jeremy. and then feels guilty afterwards and goes right back into her book while apologizing for getting “carried away”....biiiig mood there

the whole intro scene showcases both of their awkwardness so much. jeremy gets completely thrown off by her sarcastic comment about the swim team and almost believes it, which implies that he can’t read tone very well. and then christine’s “you’re a virgin” comment comes across like she really didn’t think about how that would sound to jeremy before saying it since she only made the clarification after he was ready to panic about it. she has a habit of speaking before she thinks, i think, the self-harm comment is also very awkward considering she barely knows jeremy.

after that scene we get “more than survive reprise” where jeremy admits to routinely having such bad breakdowns that he needs to step out and go to the nurse which works for both the anxiety disorder and the autism interpretation.

i’m not quite sure whether i see rich as autistic (i see him with a lot of mental issues for sure though) so i can’t say much on “the squip song” but there’s definitely something to describing a confused autistic kid as “almost helpless.” rich definitely has a habit of giving too much information though, i’ll say that.

“two player game” is just jeremy and michael being autistic solidarity: the song. i guess this is a good place to say that jeremy and michael work well as a contrast b/w two sides of autistic community, the side that struggles to function and desperately wants a change bc they’re afraid of being alone forever, and the side that tries to love all their symptoms and embrace their autistic pride. and as coincidental icing on the cake, jeremy wears blue (associated with the derogatory views from autism speaks) and michael wears red (associated with combating said views through autistic pride).

btw you could probably attribute michael’s ability to casually down a long-expired crystal pepsi as a sort of weird sensory quirk. and his fixation w/ that sort of memorabilia honestly feels like a special interest in its own right!

both “nice sideburns....wolverine, right” and “like in x-men????” using fiction as a reference point for real life always gives me autistic vibes (esp the first point where he awkwardly uses it to start conversation). can we assume x-men is a special interest? :3

jake referring to jeremy as a ‘freak’ when the squip turns on is really sad in this context but it also does make so much sense

now we get to the squip.....and what do you know, it uses tactics from abusive therapy used on autistic children. dare i say that “be more chill” as a song isn’t just an abuser’s song, but an ableist’s abuser’s song.

first off, the “spinal stimulation.” here’s a not so fun fact: electroshock therapy has been used to discourage autistic behavior in very recent years. (content warning in link for graphic description of ableist torture)

then the lyrics, in which the squip mostly focuses on jeremy’s posture and physically punishes him for disobeying. jeremy is shown to really struggle to stand up straight and pose himself in a normal, confident way, and i think that tendency to be unaware of what our body is doing is a pretty autistic thing?

the fact the squip singles out stammering and refers to jeremy’s “tics and fidgets” brings attention to two more autistic traits of jeremy’s

the squip basically punishes jeremy for responding “incorrectly” to social situations like rejecting brooke, even if they aren’t objectively wrong. it eventually just starts speaking for jeremy because jeremy seems incapable of acting natural. the squip is an abusive autism parent.

“sync up” demonstrates jeremy’s weird relationship with empathy. he wants to be nice to everyone- will has even called him “deeply empathetic”- but he’s initially really bad at seeing other people’s point of view, which is why he positions himself as sort of against the world, seeing everyone as better than him or trying to set up these barriers of Coolness where everyone else must be perfect compared to him. he’s so surprised to learn that the popular kids also hurt because of his strict idea of the social structure. it’s a combination of low self esteem and a black-and-white viewpoint.

let’s go back to christine. the squip, already established as ableist abuser, finds her “highly unusual” for acting in a way that disregards everyone who views her. she has very strange and specific visions in her head, and it seems very natural for her even if jeremy struggles to follow along.

in later performances, she chews on her sleeve and spins around during AGTIKBI. that’s stimming, babes. also gotta acknowledge “i don’t always relate to other people my age, except when i’m on the stage”

i’m gonna use this section to talk about jake and christine. christineis a bit unsure when interacting with jake, until he validates her interest- her acting is what really touches him. but jake, while good-hearted, has trouble being self-centered and thus not fully aware of christine’s own needs and space. so christine is always a little uncomfortable around him, especially in public, and not always willing to socialize. he is right about her being kind of stuck in her comfort zone, though, not doing anything off of her stage. and he is genuinely nice to her, it’s just a matter of their social strategies clashing.

the fact that the squip blocks out michael...i’ve had a lot of times in my life where i was told that socializing with other “weird” people would be counterproductive for my social development and it was part of why i was stuck with so few friends. so i really feel the idea that blocking out the person who helps you feel confident in your atypicality is framed as a good thing so you can act more socially adept, and that doing otherwise would just drag you both down.

hot DAMN does “loser geek whatever” make so much sense for an autistic kid with internalized ableism.

“it’s not only school that’s rough, being lonely’s stupid tough” makes it pretty clear this isn’t about the school social scene as muc as it is the entire social scene of the world. we may not see it, but it’s just (not) interacting with people in general that jeremy can’t stand.

“michael says that weird is rad but feeling weird just makes me sad” as stated above, makes a Lot More Sense with the idea that michael is both a more confident autistic and really bad at addressing jeremy’s own internalized ableism and desire to make connections outside his small friend group.

everything about jeremy boiling down all his problems to his “instincts” sucking and needing to basically be told what to do really highlights how autistic kids can feel broken because of their inability to fit into the social norm, to the point where we repress every behavior that actually makes us feel comfortable and unique. 

not to mention the line about him being seen as a “normal handsome guy” since autistic people tend to be infantilized and never seen as desirable (will roland also implied this line has trans coding which is another discussion altogether but i feel i should acknowledge that here)

all of those terms that jeremy calls himself near the end- namely weirdo, misfit, oddball, freak, failure- all of this sounds like the shit people throw at autistic kids. like this goes beyond anxiety alone, this is jeremy being outcasted and oppressed by the general public due to his behavior. especially the “please don’t speak” part, considering how often autistic kids are mocked for misunderstanding when to speak, how to speak, and what to talk about. jeremy needs some freaking love. :(

“michael in the bathroom” is a panic attack, related to severe anxiety, but i do see a lot of aspects that play into autism as well. the little nervous stimmy movements of foot-bouncing and picking at grout, the explosive sensory overload during the “knock knock” section of the bridge, the whole concept of losing the only person you ever managed to connect to without sacrificing who you are, dealing with this massive change to your sense of philosophy and reality where you pinned everything on one person to ground yourself, and thus you’re now completely lost trying to isolate yourself from this big overwhelming social gathering...neurodivergent anthem all around.

jeremy and christine’s couch interactions during halloween give me such autistic positivity. christine basically echolales jeremy’s weird noise and they both have so much fun vocal stimming that they forget there’s another person in the room. it’s such a sweet moment until jeremy ruins it by realizing that asking her out right after a breakup is Not Really Good For Her.

christine’s reaction to the fire demonstrates a clear case of hyperempathy to me. it isn’t discussed as much as a complete lack of empathy, but autistic folks are prone to feeling way too much especially when it comes to others’ pain. christine talking about how she hates that everyone’s hurting and desperately wants to help but doesn’t know how, and how we’ve already seen how much she struggles to connect with others like jake....it’s a very relatable, very specific autistic mood.

going back to the theme of jeremy and empathy, christine’s above hyperempathy kind of breaks this mold, and while jeremy always does feel for the other kids, by this point he feels so strongly- particularly for christine, who he also saw as a perfect confident being until now- that the squip can manipulate him into “fixing” everyone the same way the squip was supposed to “fix” him. and he never considers that christine doesn’t need to be fixed because he just projects his own insecurity that strongly onto everyone else who seems “weird” in the same kind of way- hence why he assumes michael is jealous of him back in MITB. it’s likely a result of the squip’s manipulation but i feel like mind-blindness is a factor, even if jeremy switches between struggling to process others’ emotions and being extremely empathetic.

michael’s special interest saves the day!!! :D

the whole fight b/w jeremy and michael, assuming it comes from a genuine place of repressed bitterness, has a lot of added subtext with them both being autistic. jeremy accusing michael of “giving up” on social interaction, michael envies jeremy for trying bc michael is clearly Not comfortable in most large social settings, jeremy envies michael for his pride, it just hits home for me i guess

rich calling michael “antisocial headphones kid” honestly how is michael not canon autistic

in the off-bway version michael briefly speaks too loud forgetting that jeremy’s head still hurts which is a relatable Forgot About Boundaries thing. plus him smacking rich playfully forgetting that rich is Still In Pain

“voices in my head” works nice as a fuck-societal-norms-and-just-be-happy song. “embrace the traits that make you so odd” in particular :’)

jeremy remembering christine’s infodump about her obscure bowling alley performance art idea and bringing it up to her again!!!

the squip doesn’t go away because ableism and the anxiety it brings and all the upsetting symptoms of autism don’t go away, but with the right support and confidence you can live with them!!! good message for mental disorders in general and works very well in this context!!!

so in conclusion.....be more chill is autistic pride!!!